A pain in my gut...

I scheduled my 1 year colonoscopy. Then I looked up that particular doctors colon prep for the procedure. I almost cried. I'm serious. Just the thought of having to do that made my stomach turn and I thought I was going to be sick. I dread colonoscopies. I hate the prep, almost as much as I hate cancer. It isn't the procedure...it is the prep that just has me all freaked out. I don't know why. I've been around this block a time or two...but I still hate it. It is a neighborhood that I never want to go back to again. That block sucks. Colonoscopies are the devil. Enough being a cry baby for now. Believe me, you will hear about it again...as I still have 2 weeks till the procedure. I have some good news. I am getting my port removed. My all time favorite doctor will be leaving the practice and moving out of state, and I really wanted him to remove it, as he put it in. I scheduled my appointment. 1 week after my colonoscopy I will be getting my port removed. I am nervous, but very excited to be 100% human again. No physical reminders that I had cancer...oh...well, except for that ginormous scar on my abdomen. Yep...pretty sure that isn't going anywhere. As long as I refrain from looking at my stomach, I will be ok! Another thing I have been thinking about lately...Since I was diagnosed with cancer and had my surgery, I have NEVER had a stomach ache. Other than the regular stomach pains that come with surgical healing and occasional adhesion pain, I have had absolutely NO stomach aches. This is a big deal. I use to live with stomach pain. It was something I always had. It was my one and only symptom. It was something I would have never suspected was cancer. It must have started out small and just as time went by it was something I just dealt with. I thought I had iritible bowl or something like that. I would eat...the pain would come. Sometimes I would just get stomach aches for no reason. It was normal...to me. I never had bowel changes, no blood in my stool or constipation (well except for that one time!). I was normal...It was something everyone had, right? WRONG. But now that it has been diagnosed, and fixed and I am free of cancer invading my bowel....I have not had a single stomach ache. It is wonderful! I love it. This is probably one reason I dread the colon prep. I just wanted to give a little update. I am doing great. I love being a cancer survivor!

Dreams

I had a flashback moment! Last night I was laying in bed, and just as I was about to close my eyes for the last time and go to that place that feels so good...I heard it. The sound of my chemo pump. Well, the same sound that my chemo pump use to make at night and for the ENTIRE 46 hours I would have to lug around that awful pump that was attached to me. It was like a mini nightmare in the blink of an eye. I heard that sound and it brought me right back to last year. It was terrible. I have been thinking about my cancer treatments lately, and mostly my chemo. I have a friend that has a close friend going through it right now. She calls on me to comfort her and answer her questions. I do not mind. In fact it makes me feel like a seasoned pro. Although I do not claim to be any kind of cancer/chemo pro, I do know what I went through and what it is like. I comfort her. I give her advice. I let her know that there is an end in sight... I am planning on meeting with her friend when he is out of the hospital and feeling up to it. I want to give him support and encouragement and let him know that it will not be forever. That there is an end. That I do know how awful it is and I have great empathy for him. Cancer is a bitch.