I never imagined getting another job. Silly me! I loved my job at the prison and the group of people I worked with mixed together so nicely to create my own family away from home. I loved it. I never had a job that I woke up every morning WANTING to go to work. I became close friends with many of the people that worked there and in my heart I was content to stay for a very long time. That didn't last long. My time was quickly up. Thank you very much Stage III colon cancer....yes, you definitely suck. You suck for many reasons, but one of my biggest reasons is because you made me leave the comfort of my home away from home...my life...my love...my job! So...now after clinging to every piece of fiber my old life and old job had to offer me...I have had to move on and start a new journey. SCARY! Not so much in the fact that I had to start a new job...but maybe more that I am branching out and going to be connected to an entirely new group of people and they don't know me. They aren't my family...yet!
Hind sight is a funny thing. I look back on my last year and think to myself..."self...that wasn't so bad". Then I look back on this blog and think, "self, what are you saying...that totally sucked!". Now that I am past the worst part, some days it doesn't feel like it. Some days I think this "emotional" stuff is the hard part. All I know is...I DON'T EVER WANT TO HAVE A YEAR LIKE THAT AGAIN!
So...I've been enjoying the last few months of working when I want to, staying home with my daughter when I want to, cooking meals for my family (thank you pinterest), cleaning my home and watching trash tv (because nothing else is on during the day). It is time for me to go back to work. Not only because I have caught my daughter chanting "JERRY, JERRY, JERRY" from another room...because seriously...I don't let her watch that trash...but I need some routine, some normalcy, a life! I need to find myself again, to have those connections again and to move on. I need to live.
I finally think I found "THE JOB" that I will like, and hopefully LOVE. The one that will make my heart swell with pride, with love, with accomplishment! Working at a free clinic in downtown KC should prove to be interesting and never have a boring moment! I am looking forward to it. Although I will miss being able to snuggle with Charly in the morning, have picnics with her on the front step, go on adventures with her during the day, and just PLAY...I think it will be good for both of us to get back to a life we both love...structure, routine...life.
I seem to do much better on a schedule, as does she! I am looking forward to it all, and not because I am trying to convince myself it is what we need, what I need...but because, really...it is what I want!
A week from today I will have my 3 month CT Scan. Is this scary to me...HELL YES! I worry about what could happen. I go to bed at night and think...I never got a brain scan...my head hurts...could it be cancer? I have had a pain from my left knee to my foot...holy crap...I have bone cancer now. The back of my right ear itches throughout the day...skin cancer maybe? I'm serious! You can't have a pain, itch or weird feeling without thinking you have cancer. Am I going to live the rest of my life like this? I'm afraid of that. And let me tell you...it is no fun! I am nervous for the CT scan, but there is something deep down that tells me I will be fine. I've got to catch a break somewhere...now is my time!
The day after my CT scan is our first home visit for our home study. Yes, we are at it again. Completing classes for foster care/adoption and getting a home study. We most definitely want to expand our family, and more than that...Charly desperately needs a sibling. (Because believe me...I don't desperately need more work and responsibility added to my life...but I would gladly take it on!). If you are reading this and know someone...know of a baby...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CONTACT ME!!!! I know there are babies out there...I just need to find one! :) My family is not complete yet...
So...there is alot going on the next few weeks...CT scan, home visit, starting a new job March 5th!!!, and my days of hanging with my baby are coming to a close...I have another week to soak it up, and believe me...I WILL!
Today is going to be a fabulous day...and I'm sure tomorrow will be even better!
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