I have never felt so unsure before. I have never had such a restless nights sleep over a CT scan. I broke down crying the other day...this is hard. Cancer is hard. I've come to the conclusion that I will never be the same. I can never be normal again. I know I have to move on and find my new "normal", but it feels like I am stuck. I am having a hard time taking the first step. I came home from my appointment today just EXHAUSTED from stress and sick from the contrast.....
Today I had my CT scan. I gulp down glass after glass of nasty contrast and then do the 10 minute CT Scan and PRAY the entire time while they push some more nasty stuff in my port. I know either way I will be ok...regardless of the results. I just hate the unknown and hate waiting. I really want to go back to a time in my life where CT scans, labs and doctors appointments were not part of my regular routine. I didn't have this in mind for me when I thought of growing up.
Friday I have my appointment to meet with my doctor and go over results of the scan and lab work. I will update again. Until then....get on your knees and pray for me! :)
You got it! Thinking of you and your family and praying for good news. :)
ReplyDeleteI think you are so special and brave. You are such an inspiration to all of us. I pray for a GOOD OUTCOME from your CT scan......God Bless you!
ReplyDeleteJenn. It's been 7 years since I was diagnosed c breast cancer. Much easier treatment, older. I am in no way comparing my experience with yours. Yours has been so much more difficult. But I write to say this. No. You will never be the same. You will always be keenly aware of your mortality. You will savor all good things, realizing deeply, what a gift. Life and love is. No one but a cancer survivor will get it. You are changed. But God uses all experiences to help you, and He will use this. Love and prayers for a good report on Friday.
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