happy anniversary...

Wednesday marks my 1 year anniversary of the day I started chemo. I feel silly having these "anniversaries", but they mean so much to me. I asked my husband last week, "what did we do last year on the day after valentines day?"....he didn't know. My heart was crushed a little. Then I thought about it. There were many "firsts" for me this past year that were HUGE events in my life, and maybe not so huge to anyone else... My first surgery, my diagnosis, the day I got my port, my first day of chemo, when I got rid of my colostomy bag, when I stopped chemo, when I became "cancer free"... then there were the not so big events, that were still big events...the first time I changed my colostomy by myself, when my steri strips came off, when my drains got pulled, when I finally pooped again...some seem silly, but all were big deals to me. This past year was so big that sometimes I haven't even had a chance to sit back and realize what all I really went through. I mean...I feel it with ever step I take now, thanks to the horrible pain I have been left with in my feet, and I see it when I look in the mirror only to realize that the person looking back is not "me"...that I don't feel like me...that I've been through this battle and came out on the other end victorious, but damaged...older, fatter and definitely more painful...but I have to be thankful for making it to the other side and winning. I may have some battle wounds to fix, but I am here, I am healthy, I am alive. I get to be around to enjoy everything, and I do! I breath in my daughter, I soak up my husband, I wake up every morning grateful for what I have, what I have accomplished, and for what is to come. For an entire year, cancer was my life...now I'm gearing up for an entire year of fighting the effects of cancer...and I believe this battle may be a little tougher. I have pain to deal with, weight to loose and a lifestyle to change. I want to live to watch my family grow, to see my daughter's children grow and to enjoy every minute of it. I celebrate my last year's anniversaries because they were big...I mean...BIG! My outcome could have been much different...I rejoice in what I have, what I've accomplished and what I won. I will continue to celebrate my "anniversaries", even if they only meant something to me....even if I am the only one to acknowledge them...they are my days...my celebrations...my accomplishments...and they are BIG!

Happy Anniversary Jen! You did it. You survived. You rocked chemo and kicked cancers arse. Celebrate!

Today was a great day...but I'm betting tomorrow will be even better!