CHANGE

I was talking to my mom the other day.  We were talking about how cancer affects your life.  We talk about cancer alot.  It seems to be the topic of many discussions.  My response to her was that "cancer ruins your life and your plans".  I quickly took back my words and changed them.  "Cancer just changes your life" I said.  I can't be angry at the way things are now.  At least not all the time.  You have to accept the change and move forward....and try not to look back.  Don't look back.  I have been thinking about this quite a bit since I am planning a trip back to Jefferson City soon to see some friends.  I think about our old life.  I think about how things were great.  I think about how you never know what is around the corner.  YOU. NEVER. KNOW! I write that as a warning as much as a celebration.  Things change.  Doesn't mean they have to be worse...even with cancer. 

Our lives are what we work for.  You plan (HA!!!!) and work toward goals and sometimes things get in the way....hurdles...and you maneuver around them.  You crash into them...you jump over them...or maybe you try to avoid them.  They are there though.  It is a little something called life.  LIFE.  I am no expert on life or how to live it.  I just do the best I can.  It isn't easy and I don't want it to look easy.  It isn't easy for me.  I have struggles too...but you move forward.  You pray, you love, you trust, you hope and more than anything you keep your faith.  I choose to use this struggle for good.  I choose to grow from it.  I choose to get through the hurdles that life throws at me.  Sometimes it is fun and sometimes it isn't, but when you get through them, the reward is so great.  That doesn't necessarily mean the reward here on Earth either.  I am not living my life for the rewards here...I just plan on enjoying them to the fullest while they last.  My reward is waiting for me...when the time comes I will joyfully jump that hurdle. 

Cancer has changed my life.  It is a challenge for a relationship to withstand 2 years of struggles and hurdles.  I am blessed with a husband that has stood by me and support me.  Our goals and plans have changed, and not by our choice, but we have to accept them and continue this marathon called life.  If I never do anything right again in life, I have to say I did make the smartest choice when choosing my husband and then on top of that was blessed beyond belief with my beautiful daughter.  I have a family that is there for me and loves me and supports me.  They fight this battle with me, and for that I am truely thankful. 

Financially, cancer is not cheap.  It puts things in perspective.  You take fewer trips to walmart and more trips to the pharmacy. It is a hurdle that is thrown in your path.  

Spiritually you can't help but question and grow from your experience.  You lean on the Lord for all your strength and you keep your faith. 

I love that quote that says "Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle".  Mine just happens to be cancer.