A week ago today...

A week ago today... is this deja vu? I've had a post already titled this.

A week ago today I had surgery. I am thankful that I was able to get my bag removed! I was thankful that I have an amazing surgeon that put me back together in one piece (Thanks Dr. T!!!), even though I wouldn't have given him any other choice! I am thankful to be out of the hospital now and recovering.

I went home this time with a drain. Again...I am a nurse, and I don't mind seeing staples and sutures and blood and goo and tubes and fluids and stuff...as long as they are on someone else! I CAN'T stand the fact that I have staples in my stomach and a drain STICKING OUT OF MY GUT! It almost makes me nauseous. Sometimes I wonder how anyone could make it through that surgery (yes, I really am a baby), and then I think, what crazy effin person would do TWO of those surgeries!!! All I know...whatever wrong I have done in my life...I have been punished ENOUGH! Now I'm sure the rest of my life should or could be smooth sailing!




Doesn't work like that though...

Things are tough, but I am moving forward and looking forward to a life filled without poop bags, and CHEMO FREE!!!! Remember... I have a 2 year old to chase around!

I am in the process of gathering together my medical information/papers/tests/scans/notes, etc to forward to M.D. Anderson in Houston, TX for a second opinion/treatment options. I'm really wanting to get this shit out of my body for good, and to do that...I'm bringing in the big dogs! (Even though I'm pretty sure Dr. T has already taken care of my cancer for me by removing it!)

remembering....

walking the halls...



oxygen...



NG tube




I'd like to forget!

Day 4 post op~

The big reveal...

Pretty aint it?

It is now day 4 post op...yesterday was a rough one. I got all kinds of bad news and besides dealing with day 3 post op pain, i started my period, so the tears were flowing NON STOP! Such is my luck!!!

I haven't counted my staples, but I know there are a bunch, too many for my stomach! I try to keep my binder on, which helps, but my stomach is so sore and swollen it just makes me miserable. Getting in and out of bed is a hassle...but one that I do often, now that I am not hooked up to the catheter. It was touch an go for awhile, as my bladder was not wanting to cooperate with me, but I think all is well there. Now If I could just talk my bowels into moving sometime soon, I would have peace of mind and get to go home! :) A little fart... A little turd...SOMETHING!

I have tried to walk as much as I can today...I think I have done about 8 laps, and it is only 3:15. I am so blessed that my parents and husband have been swapping shifts to be with me. It comforts me to know they are here. I hate the hospital! I am miserable....I just want to get home to my family, where I can rest and relax in comfort!

Today I was lucky enough to get a visit from Charly!!!! That always makes my day:



I have received flowers from so many friends and family members!!! A big shout out to Jim and Mary Thomas, Aundria Ashkar and family, Chris Finan, Andrew Koppen, Cliff and Patti Johnson, Josh and Amber Johnson and Family, Rebecca Barnes and family, CMS regional office! The flowers are beautiful!!! They make my room so warm and inviting! I can't thank you all enough for the cards, thoughts, flowers, gifts and love you have shown me! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

The bad news I got yesterday I will have to go into more detail when I find out more, but when Dr. T did the surgery, he was only able to find 2 lymph nodes in the area to be evaluated. One of the lymph nodes was enlarged (bad sign #1). So, yesterday Dr. R (my oncologist) passed on the pathology report that in fact that one lymph node did have tumor cell involvement. This is not good. I have to go on chemo again because of this. What time and how long will be determined soon. Dr. R has consulted with a specialist from Mayo and Northwestern. We may go for a second opinion at MD Anderson for peace of mind...we'll see. Right now I am just trying to heal and take my time.

Thank you again.

Today I smiled when I got a visit from my daughter!

Today I smiled when I saw all the flowers I have received! I am loved.

Today I smiled that I might be able to go home tomorrow! Praise the LORD!!!

EPIDURAL!!!

I am out of surgery! So far it hasn't been too bad. I mean..I'm hungry (since I haven't eaten since Sunday at 6 p.m), I am still not able to drink anything...but once again I am sneaking ice chips (I know I'm a rebel), I'm stuck in this hospital bed at the moment with legs that feel like they weigh 1000 lbs..I'm a little cranky! So...I'm still dozing in and out, but wanted to post the pictures after my surgery!!! I have not seen my incision yet...but when I do...don't worry, I'll fulfill your wish to see it! :) By the way...NO BAG!!!!!!

CLEAN AS A WHISTLE....

The end of this long road is in sight. Tomorrow morning I will go into surgery at 7:30 am. This will be about a 6 hour surgery...so anytime between 6:15 (when I get to the hospital) and 1:30pm (when I will be getting out) would be the perfect time for you to say a prayer for me. I have been overwhelmed by the love, support and prayers that are pouring out for ME! I can't thank everyone enough!!!

So....today was a first for me! My first of many (I'm sure) colonoscopies!!! The prep was a little difficult considering I had an open faucet running into a very confined space, very quickly...but I got the hang of it pretty fast.

This morning I was just ready to get this part of the journey over with. If you haven't had a colonoscopy before, let me tell you...EASY PEASY!!!! The prep really is the hardest part.

The only inconvenience of the day was that my dang stoma was too small (even for a pediatric scope) and Dr. T had to slice it open...NO FUN! But, it's over, it's behind me, and tomorrow I will get my body back to itself!

Results of the Colonoscopy: CLEAR!!! CLEAN AS A WHISTLE...NOT A SINGLE POLYP TO BE FOUND! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! Keep up those prayers for me...I'm hoping by the time I am home from the hospital I will know that my lymph nodes are clear and there isn't a TRACE of cancer in my body! (I know you aren't technically cancer free until you have been for 5 years, but I WILL CONSIDER MYSELF TO BE CANCER FREE!!!)

Thank you again and stay tuned for the big reveal! :)

Today was a good day (even having to get a colonoscopy), but tomorrow will be so much better!!! (FINALLY THE BAG WILL BE GONE!!!)

The second funny...

If you thought the story of Andrew's explosive diarrhea was funny, or as he would put it, his colon cancer diagnosis, wait till you hear this one...

I can really recall three times that I laughed so hard it hurt while I was recovering. I'm not talking a little ouchie...A BIG OUCHIE!!! The first was the day Andrew (we'll just say his name for fun) and I found out we had colon cancer, and the second was the day I was showing James my incision and accidentally gave him a free peep show! The third is for another post!

James is my brother, for anyone that doesn't know. He is 30, and that means he is a grown man, and the bottom line here is that he should not get free peep shows from his sister.

This is the story of the crotch shot...

We were sitting in the living room...James on the couch, Andrew on the love seat and I was in the recliner (since the couch is off limits to me for the first week with how difficult it is to stand up out of it without an enormous amount of help). My parents had left to go home, so I'm thinking it was early in about week 2...they needed a break to go home and gather more clothes and take care of business, leaving James to help us out around the house. So...I'm not sure what the conversation was about, but I recall James wanting to get a good look at my incision and my ostomy. This is my brother who is a trained EMS worker, but will get queasy when he sees something semi bloody/gross. He's a deal, but I love him just the same. SO...I remember standing up from the recliner (which at that time was a huge accomplishment for me), and I also remember being pretty proud of my battle scar...as it is the largest scar I have ever seen on my body! So I went over to the edge of the couch where he was leaning forward to get a good look at my battle scars under the lamp light! As I pulled down my pants to show him, he had a look of sheer terror in his eyes, that was magnified by the lamp light. That is right. The one and ONLY day I decided not to wear underwear because it was rubbing on my incision and hurting, is the day my brother wanted a good look at my wounds....

You guessed it folks...he got the lovely crotch shot not 2 inches from his face! NOT COOL! He screamed, Andrew yelled for me to pull my pants back up and I couldn't stop laughing and CRYING!!! My poor brother got an eye full!

This next time around I will not go without undies! I have learned my lesson.

By the way folks...a week from today I will be under the knife again, which means weeks of healing for me, and a few blog posts with some great pictures! Stay tuned...

looking back...

It has only been 4 months. Sometimes it seemed like 40 years...

I do remember very vividly the day I found out I have cancer. Andrew also thought he had cancer that day too! funny story...here it goes...

My mom and Andrew had just left my hospital room to go get some lunch. We had been through a rough 2 days. It all happened so fast and we didn't have time to prepare...that just throws everything off. I think my husband was sick of being in the hospital (so was I) and needed to get out...so they went for lunch. I told them to try a new place in town that was pretty good. Andrew and I had been there once before and it was fairly close and thought my mom would enjoy it, so I suggested it. They went. I was left alone. It wasn't a big deal. I was ok...till the phone rang and it was my (ex)family doctor, who couldn't wait to tell me I had cancer. As soon as I hung up the phone with her I immediately called Andrew to tell him I got some news and to hurry back. Looking back now I'm not sure why I didn't just let them finish their meal in peace...I mean my cancer wasn't going anywhere at that moment...but when you hear those words "you have cancer", you need someone...anyone...comfort! I needed them...and they knew it, so they hurried back.

When they got in the room, my mom was hysterical. Andrew just looked at me. I remember saying "I have colon cancer". He hugged me, we cried. I told him it would be ok. I told him things would be fine. My mom was crying. It was an awful, awful moment...and then...

Andrew grabbed his stomach and cried out... "I think I have colon cancer"!!! I started laughing. It was just hillarious. I laughed so hard I was crying... THAT HURT! Try having 38 staples in your stomach after being gutted 2 days prior...NOT FUN! He immediately told me he had to use my bathroom. I couldn't stop laughing...and crying! He was in there for what seemed like hours...until he came out of the bathroom...a little pale, a little moist with sweat...he had some serious tummy trauma!!! He sat beside me in the chair convinced he too had colon cancer. I died laughing. I needed that. I needed a laugh (even with the staples).

In the next few weeks that followed, as I was healing...I had never cried so much, and I had never laughed so hard.

Laughter truly was the best medication for me.