Kicking More ARSE!

First I want to say.... Thank you Dr. T and your nurse! Although I could have done without the cancer, the chemo, the bag, the surgeries, the drains,and the port....I was lucky enough to have you along for the ride. You both have been superb and made me feel nothing but comfortable in your care. I was lucky to have you on call the night I went into the ER and thankful you saved me. My colon has not been the same since we met...and I am forever thankful for you both for that! Thank you! I have come full circle...I had my chemo port removed today. Indeed a scary thing. Mostly because I do not want to jinx myself by ending this chapter...you never know what lies around the corner...but also because this chapter is done. THIS chapter that stole over a year from me. This chapter that changed my life in more ways than one. This chapter...it sucked for the most part. It is over. I am cancer free. I am all things removed and completely 100% human! I am relieved. I cannot say that I have loved all my doctors...but I have truely loved my surgeon and can say that I have had a great one! I will miss him, but am sure glad that he is done cutting on me. (something I think he thoroughly enjoys for some sick reason! :)) My trip to Jefferson City was short and sweet and I never have enough time to see all the people I want. I miss them so much. Driving back always feels like going home...and then reality sets in and I have to make the 3 1/2 hour drive back home. CRAP! I hate that... My Mom and CharlyLarry came along for the day. Lunch with my great friend Kim to catch up, shopping at the Schafer House, Initially Yours, TJ Maxx and of course...BK BAKERY! I miss Jeff City COMPLETELY! Larry was with her Jeff City babysitter Obbie...AKA THE BEST BABYSITTER IN THE WORLD! You absolutely can not meet this family and not fall in love. Charly was excited to spend part of the day with them. The port removal was quick and painless and quite amusing! My mom, who also took on role as photographer, managed to trip over the tray with all the surgical tools for the procedure and crash, bang, boom...the next thing I hear is my surgeon say to my mom, "way to go sasquatch"....HILLARIOUS! Did I mention I love my surgeon. I was impressed my mom did get some pictures and did not throw up, like the last visit we had at the office when my 10 year old nephew came along for staple removal and proceeded to vomit after seeing staples removed from my abdomen. I'm sure that office loves when I bring my posse with me! Today was a great day...I'm excited for what tomorrow will bring. I'm hoping the corners I turn from now on bring nothing but fun for me and that the next few chapters at least are good ones! :) my port...what a love/hate relationship we had. Next week...6 month oncology follow-up visit...

BEAUTIFUL

I am just so proud of this! I love my colon.

SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN....

So I didn't whine and cry about my upcoming colonoscopy too much. At least not on this blog. In fact this blog has not been a part of my regular routine anymore and it is really kind of nice. I don't feel the need to get so much off my chest. Today was the day. I had my colonoscopy. It actually started two days ago when I made the gatorade and put it in the refrigerator to chill, knowing I would be adding a full bottle of golyte prep to it and ultimately drinking it to cleanse my colon. GAG! Then yesterday at 3 pm I began the prep. One full bottle of magnesium citrate gulped down, followed by a nice chaser of 2 dulcolax pills and a swig of water. OMG. I thought at that point I would barf it all back up. I didn't. Instead I waited the scheduled hour on my instructions to begin the gatorade/golyte concoction. Half way through that (which I must admit wasn't so bad...although I will never drink another lemon/lime gatorade again) the madness started. I have to admit...having a smaller colon does have its benefits. My prep was done in half the time. I was impressed. THOROUGHLY impressed. NO CRAMPING AT ALL! Granted I had to stay mightly close to the throne, but it was not so bad. Oh...and the 5 tushy wipes that came in the colon prep kit. THAT. WAS. A. JOKE. I have learned a few things.... 1. the prep is not that bad. the worst part is the sore butt and not eating. 2. when i had a cancer tumor my stomach aches were horrendous... i have been stomach ache free since...including colon preps. 3. i understand now how my daughter feels when she has a diaper rash and i try to wipe her butt (even gently) with baby wipes. 4. it only take approximately 2 times in the bathroom to create a raw butt. HOLY COW. after the prep...i felt fine. this morning I woke up...feeling fine and headed to Saint Luke's with my mom. (I love my mom.) Oh... did I mention Andrew is gone for 3 weeks? He missed the fun! :) So... we show up... wait an hour then I head back. They accessed my port, which made me happy. I will miss that thing! SO MUCH BETTER THAN AN IV! Then after explaining to everyone how and why and what happened to me in the past year....I was greeted by my doctor (who by the way is my age!). I was ready for the procedure and the next thing I new I was getting the best propofol pumped into my port that put me in the best sleep EVER! Before I knew it I was done and looking at pictures of my BEAUTIFUL, POLYP FREE and CLEAN COLON! HALLELUJIAH! THANK YOU GOD. Even though I was told to get a colonoscopy every year for the first 3 years my GI specialist doctor told me she recommended I wait 2 years. I was not going to argue with that. And then I got dressed and hopped on the elevator to leave with my mom and had a great lunch and some fun shopping at World Market. Overall... I would recommend a colonoscopy over A. the dentist. B. a pap smear C. running a mile. It was great. I look forward to the next one. Today was a great day...tomorrow will be even better!!!!!!!! Look for upcoming post next week on my port removal! I will probably post some pictures! :) So excited for my trip to Jefferson City (AKA HOME!!!!) to see friends and my favorite Doctor!!!!

A pain in my gut...

I scheduled my 1 year colonoscopy. Then I looked up that particular doctors colon prep for the procedure. I almost cried. I'm serious. Just the thought of having to do that made my stomach turn and I thought I was going to be sick. I dread colonoscopies. I hate the prep, almost as much as I hate cancer. It isn't the procedure...it is the prep that just has me all freaked out. I don't know why. I've been around this block a time or two...but I still hate it. It is a neighborhood that I never want to go back to again. That block sucks. Colonoscopies are the devil. Enough being a cry baby for now. Believe me, you will hear about it again...as I still have 2 weeks till the procedure. I have some good news. I am getting my port removed. My all time favorite doctor will be leaving the practice and moving out of state, and I really wanted him to remove it, as he put it in. I scheduled my appointment. 1 week after my colonoscopy I will be getting my port removed. I am nervous, but very excited to be 100% human again. No physical reminders that I had cancer...oh...well, except for that ginormous scar on my abdomen. Yep...pretty sure that isn't going anywhere. As long as I refrain from looking at my stomach, I will be ok! Another thing I have been thinking about lately...Since I was diagnosed with cancer and had my surgery, I have NEVER had a stomach ache. Other than the regular stomach pains that come with surgical healing and occasional adhesion pain, I have had absolutely NO stomach aches. This is a big deal. I use to live with stomach pain. It was something I always had. It was my one and only symptom. It was something I would have never suspected was cancer. It must have started out small and just as time went by it was something I just dealt with. I thought I had iritible bowl or something like that. I would eat...the pain would come. Sometimes I would just get stomach aches for no reason. It was normal...to me. I never had bowel changes, no blood in my stool or constipation (well except for that one time!). I was normal...It was something everyone had, right? WRONG. But now that it has been diagnosed, and fixed and I am free of cancer invading my bowel....I have not had a single stomach ache. It is wonderful! I love it. This is probably one reason I dread the colon prep. I just wanted to give a little update. I am doing great. I love being a cancer survivor!

Dreams

I had a flashback moment! Last night I was laying in bed, and just as I was about to close my eyes for the last time and go to that place that feels so good...I heard it. The sound of my chemo pump. Well, the same sound that my chemo pump use to make at night and for the ENTIRE 46 hours I would have to lug around that awful pump that was attached to me. It was like a mini nightmare in the blink of an eye. I heard that sound and it brought me right back to last year. It was terrible. I have been thinking about my cancer treatments lately, and mostly my chemo. I have a friend that has a close friend going through it right now. She calls on me to comfort her and answer her questions. I do not mind. In fact it makes me feel like a seasoned pro. Although I do not claim to be any kind of cancer/chemo pro, I do know what I went through and what it is like. I comfort her. I give her advice. I let her know that there is an end in sight... I am planning on meeting with her friend when he is out of the hospital and feeling up to it. I want to give him support and encouragement and let him know that it will not be forever. That there is an end. That I do know how awful it is and I have great empathy for him. Cancer is a bitch.

My baby is turning 3 tomorrow. Time is going by so fast. It's wierd how when things really suck, time seems to just kind of stop, and then when things are great...it just skips on past you and before you know it, your baby is 3. 3! 3!! 3!!! Not that i want my baby to be a baby anymore, because I am really enjoying this age...but it would be nice if she would just kind of pause for a minute and let me breath and take her in. I'm in love with her. More than any momma could ever be in love with a child. I remember clearly this time 3 years ago... I didn't want to go to sleep because I just KNEW we would be going to the hospital. I just knew it... and then...we got the call at 3 am! We rushed to pick up her birthmom and dad and drive them to the hospital. Andrew and I were beyond excited, and nervous and more than anything scared. Scared of the unknown...scared of what COULD happen, and scared for what we wanted to happen. We had wanted a baby for so long to make our marriage into the family we always dreamed of. We couldn't have been given a more perfect child for us. She is everything I would possibly want in a child. She has the best of both of us and I think we couldn't have created a more perfect child for us. We are blessed. My mom mentioned to me today how she feels that my cancer was a blessing. I'm not sure I would go as far as she did in describing my past year and cancer as a BLESSING, but she is right...there are things that have come to be because of my cancer. I have stopped to take things in. I have stepped back and decided what is really important. As much as I totally miss my old life...my old everything, I am enjoying the time with my daughter, being a MOM, a WIFE, an AUNT, a DAUGHTER, a SISTER, and really really really enjoying it. I love being me again...and better than that...an even BETTER me! (well...on the inside anyway! :)) I just wanted to make a quick post to let you know (if I do still have any readers :)... that I am living, loving life, doing fine and happy. Cancer wise...I have an appointment in 1 week for a port flush. Those monthly appointments really make the time fly. I've convinced myself that I am keeping my port until my next set of scans. I have this weird thing about jinxing myself and right now...keeping it puts me at ease. It is funny how I use to dread having my port accessed...mainly because it meant I was getting chemo, which sucked, but also it reminded me every time that I had CANCER... now it kind of reminds me that I don't have cancer... and it comforts me. Plus I'm a chicken and not ready to have it removed. So...enjoy the rest of your week. I'm going to love on my two year old for the last time tonight... and enjoy our fun day tomorrow of celebrating 3! We have a fabulous day planned! Today was a great day...and I'm sure tomorrow will be even better...CAKE, ICE CREAM and PRESENTS....who could ask for more???! :)

beautiful weekend...

Camping at the lake was fabulous! Charly loved her first camping trip (minus the showers in the bath house), and can't wait to go again in May! I live for weekends like this! As promised...pictures..