Third trimester

I just like saying I am in my 3rd trimester! After I disconnect tomorrow I will officially have 3 more chemo infusions! It still seems like a lifetime away, but it also seems like an attainable goal! I can't wait!!! I have had a great week! It feels good to feel as normal as possible! It feels so good that I bawled my eyes out on the way to chemo! I just hate to have to do it! Then again I hate to get down and feel sorry for myself...so I wipe the tears away and buck up and start kicking some cancer arse! My doctor did tell me my labs were outstanding! The shot is doing the job, along with crippling me for about 48 hours! As long as it keeps me on track I am good! I made reservations for Houston for my follow up at MD Anderson and am ready for that trip! My doctor also told me my CEA numbers look good! That is my cancer lab! My level hovers between .5 and 1! Pretty good! I was so proud of myself over the weekend for completing my first 5K!!! I participated in the Whisper Walk to support ovarian cancer! It was such a great feeling and really got me hooked! I loved that the survivors got to wear teal boas...I wanted that to be me...and could see the pride in those survivors eyes! Cancer sucks...and beating it is a BIG deal! Soooooo....I found a 5K Get Your Rear In Gear colon cancer 5K walk in Seattle the weekend before my last chemo treatment! I am going to go out celebrating, and what a fantastic way!!! I will walk it with my mom (who has attended 99 percent of my treatments and appointments and has been there for me and my family since day 1) and my grandma who is 81 and a colon cancer survivor!!! I got to register my grandma and I as survivors!!! What a great feeling!!! I can't wait! I apologize for the lack of pictures to the blog! I will do better! Promise!

Enjoying it...

I woke up this morning at 3:45 am. I have done this lately. I can't sleep. No pain. No worries. Nothing wrong... just can't sleep. So, I decided to get up. It is amazing how much you can get done when your child sleeps. I was productive. It felt good. I never thought cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, etc would ever be missed and that I would beg to be able to do those things. I am good now. I am feeling great actually. I am excited for a great weekend and the return of my husband, who I have missed immensly!

I actually started planning my next trip to Houston! I checked out plane tickets, and hotel options, which I think I will be staying at the hotel on the hospital grounds to make it easy for us. With the help of everyone that threw that amazing benefit, I don't have to worry about anything! I am so blessed. I am looking forward to a trip to Galveston with my husband and some relaxation time...but more importantly, I am looking so forward to this trip and that it will signify that I am done with my fight and have won. I look forward to good results and for word that I am done and can finally focus on getting well and give my body a break! It has been working hard for me. I appreciate every bit of my body and what it does and how hard it has fought. Your body is an amazing thing!

Enjoy the rest of the week and the coming weekend... Tuesday will be starting my third trimester of chemo! I never got to measure my life in trimesters...so I am now!!! I am done with the 1st and 2nd trimester and on to the 3rd! REJOICE!!!!

Smile...Life is so short. Enjoy it. Feel good! Love. Laugh. Dance. Pray. Smile. Hug. Kiss. Soak it all in!

Can't Touch This...

I woke up Saturday morning and couldn't move. It hurt to open my eyes, to sit up out of bed, to BREATH! That shot has crippled me!!! I have experienced this on a slightly different level with the Neupogen shots that I got the first 4 cycles of chemo. I got those shots in my hips and they made it almost impossible to walk. This time the shots are given in my arm, and from my rear up my body just aches. I mean ACHES. It hurts to be touched. It hurts to move. It is unbelievable what a shot can do. I can't imagine what it is doing to my insides. I'm sure my bone marrow is like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE????" It is now Sunday and the pain is still there, although it is subsiding. I am definitely looking forward to a good week ahead of me. I've had an exhausting week. This chemo just knocks me down. It wears me out. It crushes me. I can only pray it is doing the same for whatever microscopic cancer cells have decided to be stubborn.

Note to self...if you refer back to this blog for any advice...do NOT take a warm to hot shower to try to releive the pain you feel from the shot...it only makes you sick. I'm talking so sick you can't get out of the shower before you start to vomit and dry heave. How miserable. Definitely made for TV!

I am thankful for a wonderful family and especially mom who has really helped me out.

I am really missing my husband! Ready for him to come home.

I am ready for a good week.

I am thankful to have been able to spend some time with great friends that came to visit. Even a trip to have lunch at Hooters was in the cards!

lazy days...

It's a great dreary and rainy day today. Perfect for taking a nap. I woke up this morning to my room crisp and cool and a warm baby snuggled against me. Now doesn't that sound like heaven? I watched her sleep. Heard her breath. Felt her warmth. She is perfect. I am one lucky mom.
The day is perfect for sleeping in and laying around the house being lazy. Problem is, I'm tired of being tired and tired of laying around and being lazy. (Which is not by choice). I want to do something. I want to get out of the house. I want to clean, bake, cook, shop, walk, just get out...but the energy is not there. Cancer you will be defeted and I will feel good again and things will be even better than I could expect. I am ready for my next 4 treatments...then ready to be on the road to recovery and full of energy and happy again. I just want to smile all the time. Right now...It takes all I have to put a smile on. I hate that. It feels sometimes like cancer has destroyed me. It throws your emotions every which way...you cry alot, you're sad alot, you want to give up...BUT YOU DON'T! It has ruined my body, it has ruined my career, it has wore me out. I know this is all temporary. I know I am at the end, and tomorrow is always better...in fact today has been great. I went in today for my shot of Neulasta. The last one killed. This one was not bad at all. I was thankful!
I need a vacation. I need to get away. I need some fun. I need to feel good. I want to enjoy each day and not be so exhausted. I want to be cancer free. I wish this never happened.

I smiled today, because a dear friend is getting her colonoscopy today. Love you!!! You make me happy.

I smiled today because normally I would love wet, dreary, lazy days...so I will change my attitude now and embrace the chance to relax and enjoy this sleepy weather.

I smiled today because it is Friday...and the week is over...and I have a great week to look forward to!

I love being a mom and each morning I wake up to a smiling kiddo, which in turn puts a smile on my face. I couldn't ask for a better life.

Today has been a great day...tomorrow will be even better.

2/3

Thursday is another of my favorite days of the week. It is the day I get to disconnect. I am officially now 2/3rds of the way done. Tuesday, Wednesday and today (so far) have not been too bad at all. I have remembered to take my steroid, which has probably helped me out. I have just been exhausted and had a few bouts of nausea, but overall nothing I can really complain of. My mom has been a huge help with Charly and taking care of things around my house, feeding us and just doing it all. I couldn't do it without her.

I'm looking forward to the weekend and having some friends from Jefferson City visit, and I'm looking forward to next week feeling better and enjoying it. I'll get some work to do for my company from home, which keeps me busy and gives me something to do and feel productive. Definitely wish I was still at the prison to be around my staff. I miss them immensely.

More importantly right now I miss my husband. I want him home. Things just seem so much more comfortable with him in the house and around.

I smiled today because I absolutely love this weather...except when it kills my hands and feet with the neuropathy! :(

I smiled today because I disconnect today! One more down...4 more to go!

Today will be a good day, but tomorrow will be even better!

A case of the Mondays

Monday is my favorite day of the week (now). It is a guaranteed good day for me...chemo or no chemo. It means I either have had a rough week and it is like the start of a fresh chemo free week for me... or it means I have had 2 weeks behind me and gearing up for my next round of chemo...which in turn means that I am one more closer to being done. I love Mondays now.

I'm not sure if I'll get chemo tomorrow or not. My burn is still there. You would think since I got the shot of neulasta and my levels are over the top, I feel I should have some kind of super human healing power strength...I don't apparently. It has gotten better, but it is not healed. I am betting they will do it, but I am not looking forward to a needle going directly into my burn. I'm thinking it will hurt. I'm not a fan of hurting either! I am however gearing up for this round of chemo. I'm spending the day getting things ready at the house for a week of doing absolutely nothing! Once my trash is taken out and laundry done today, I'm not planning on throwing anything away or going through any clean clothes...not sure that will fly, but I would like for that to happen. In order for that to take place Charly would miraculously have to be potty trained today and wear the same clothes all week...yep...not gonna happen. That is ok, I can at least get ahead of the game and start with a clean house. I have had a wonderful 2 weeks off. I'm ready to get this ball rolling again though. The longer it takes and the more fun I have each day, only means this will drag out longer than I would like. This chemo round will be harder for me, at least I am anticipating that. Andrew is gone till the end of the month, which means I will be doing it with the help of my mom. It is hard to feel crappy and expect someone to do everything for you. My mom is a huge help with Charly and I'm sure that without her I could not do this. I don't know if she is planning on camping at my house this week to help me out or not, but either way, it is comforting to know that I can count on her to be there. She goes with me to chemo and sits with me all day while I get it, and then spends the week helping me out with my child and just being there to take care of me. I love her. I am blessed!

Today I rescheduled my M.D.Anderson appointment. It was suppose to be the 10th and 11th of November, which would have worked out wonderfully since that is a holiday weekend...but thanks to my unpredictable schedule of chemo, I rescheduled it to December 15th and 16th. That gives me some cushion. I am looking forward to a great Thanksgiving and Christmas. I can't wait to have my scans and labs done again and be on the road to chemo free and CANCER free!!!

I managed to sign up this past week for an Ovarian Cancer walk in KC. I'm hoping my chemo doesn't get rescheduled so I can attend. I am looking forward to it on Sept. 25th. Supporting individuals with cancer and cancer causes is something I think will be a part of my life for ever. Can't believe it took me getting it to make this a part of my life. It is now near and dear to my heart!

Enjoy your Monday...I know I will!!!!

so sick of sickness...

I just counted on my fingers and including today I have 5 more good days left till my next chemo treatment. I just can't stand having to go get chemo and be sick. I absolutely dread it. This has given me a new appreciation for people that are chroniclly sick. My heart hurts for them. It has really opened my eyes to how people are feeling and what is going on in their lives around me. I only have 5 more times of having to be sick and then I will be on the road to detoxing this crap out of my system. I can actually see a light at the end of the tunnel. I never thought in a million years that I would be here typing this, or that I would be the person with cancer that prayers go up for, or that my life would be drastically changed in a blink of an eye. Life is funny that way. It throws you some curve balls and you better be ready! I couldn't imagine facing this without God. He has comforted me, walked with me, carried me, and all my fears and worries go to Him. I am blessed to know Him.

I saw a quote the other day that I thought was a good one and fit me...You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Enjoy the day! It's beautiful outside!!!!

me no chemo...

I went to St. Luke's today for chemo (5 more left!!!!), but due to the burn I got from the leaking chemo last time, they postponed it 1 week. I have mixed feelings about it. I'm happy to get another week of feeling good, but then again I just want to get it over with. I can't believe this crap has drug on almost an entire year! I will now have to move my appointment at M.D. Anderson back to early December, which will give me a little wiggle room with my next 5 treatments, just in case something else comes up and I get off track again. I did get lab results today, and thanks to the shot I got last Friday, my counts are OUTSTANDING...something to rejoice about!

I had a wonderful weekend with my family over the Holiday, and plan on having a great week ahead of me.

I posted picture of the burn, 12 days of healing and still red and painful.

Smile today...things are going well for me. I feel good.

I smiled today because I get another week of feeling good.

I had an amazing weekend...full of fun things: Red Barn Farm, Farmer's Market downtown KC, birthday parties (mine! :)), and time with friends.

Today was a great day, and tomorrow will be even better!