why?

8 weeks ago I had surgery...

Surgery to remove CANCER from my large intestine. CANCER. For those that are close to me, they know that I have taken this pretty well. Heck, I laugh often about it. I mean, what else can you do?

I have a hole in my stomach (which by the way is surprisingly smaller than it was 8 weeks ago (I may show pictures eventually)) that makes weird noises and spits out some disgusting stuff at random times throughout the day.

I have a large scar on my stomach that has made my once beautiful flat tummy pretty horrible to look at. (Ok...also, for those of you that know me, know that I do not have a beautiful flat tummy...never had... and now...NEVER WILL!)

I have a wire in my neck that protrudes and feels weird.

I have a port in my chest.

I spend time at a CANCER center every other week for crying out loud...

All of these things I did not have 8 weeks ago...WHY?

I am not a person to dwell on things and feel sorry for myself...but I do have to stop and think, WHY? Why did things happen the way they did? Why did I end up at 32 with cancer?

Maybe instead of WHY, I should ask HOW?

How was I so lucky to call my friend that night to get some advice...and end up at the ER? How was it that my ugly hole on my stomach actually saved my life...and I still hate it! How was it, that I did not die! I am positive there is a GOD!

All of this makes me look at my life. I am not sad about things...maybe a little upset that it has interfered with my upcoming swimming season slightly, or that camping will probably be out of the question this summer and that half of the month I spend sick and exhausted...but I am not sad. I just see things differently...

I pray more.
I love more.
I dream more.
I care more.
I hope more.
I google more.
I smile more...



~Today I smiled when I woke up and it had snowed...ok...I just lied. I did not smile at that!

~Today I smiled when my daughter met me at the babysitters door and was excited to see me!

~Today I smiled when I put dinner in the oven and didn't have to make it! I have such awesome friends that have brought me the best meals ever!!! I could never thank them enough!!!

~Today I smiled because I wasn't sick!!! Maybe exhausted...but not sick!

Today was a good day...tomorrow will be even better!