A Vacation would be nice!

Once you are diagnosed with cancer...you always have it. What I mean by that is...every little pain, every hurt, every abnormal, every weird feeling...you immediately think cancer. At least for me anyway. It is an awful way to live. You live in fear. Your life has been shortened already by someone telling you "you have cancer". I hate to even write this. I hate to put these thoughts to words. These are the thoughts that I try to ignore. These are the thoughts that I let other thoughts overpower. Instead I like to think of beating the odds and finding a cure and watching my daughter grow up and making it to my 15 and even 20 year anniversary...and my 30 and 40 would even be better. I like to think of vacations that we will have and watching my nephews grow up and spending time with my family and friends and holidays...I can't wait for holidays. The funny thing is that I never really liked Christmas. I hated the fact that we gave gifts when there were so many others suffering with nothing. I hated the fact that during the holidays there were family fights or arguments or hurt feelings, when there are people that would give anything to spend one more holiday sitting around the livingroom with their loved ones just talking and enjoying their company. Thank you cancer for changing my mind. Thank you for letting me go into the holiday season just enjoying what we have and who we are with and along with that knowing that I can enjoy the holiday AND try to help others too. It is so sad that it takes something so horrible like cancer to really soften your heart. I learned so much with my first diagnosis, but I still took things for granted. I never really thought I was going to die. I just expected a long hard road to get better.... now I kind of take things a little more serious. I have learned things already this time around too. I have learned so much about peace and love and how really this is so out of my control that I have to just go with it and give it to God. Tomorrow is chemo day. Please say a prayer for me that I tolerate it well, that I have minimal side effects, that I get to spend some great time with Andrew during my 6 hour infusion, that the 46 hours I have the pump go by so fast, especially since I can't take a shower :), that I can experience peace, that the CHEMO does its job, and that the doctors and nurses at the cancer center go to work knowing that their patients don't want to be there and need them to show kindness and love, and a prayer that Charly has a great day with her grandma while I am gone. Enjoy your Sunday evening. Today was a great day...but tomorrow will be so much better!