Don't be alarmed...we've made it to STAGE 4

It has taken me a day to collect my thoughts and get off of google. GOOGLE is like the worst thing possible when you have been given some tough news to swallow about your health. The first thing I do is google everything I can possibly find on the topic...so yesterday I googled lots of "STAGE 4", "METASTASIS TO THE LIVER", "POSSIBLE TREATMENTS FOR STAGE 4 COLON CANCER", "LIVER RESECTION SURGERIES", "CHEMO, CHEMO, AND MORE CHEMO" and then when it got to things like "PROGNOSIS" and "LIFE EXPECTANCY"...I STOPPED! Do me a favor...don't do it. Don't even go there. Because I am not one of them...I am different. I really believe that. So...I take back that whole sentence a few blogs away about being a recurrance (which it still is), and how it wasn't considered a metastasis (which in fact it is). I was just hoping and clinging to every word that made it not as painful. I am in fact a stage 4 and it has now technically metastasized to my liver. (Both of which my doctor says not to let it scare me) I saw it with my own two eyes. It didn't look very threatening and I immediately knew that I had the strength to beat that. I have never had doubts. I am going to make it. My doctor feels that too. She is so kind. She is so straight forward and very honest with me. When we sat down to discuss the test results and the new diagnosis she was scaring me a bit, until my mom asked her if this is something I am going to come out of and beat and she said of course it is. This is very curable. The spot I have on my liver is not only small but is contained. The plan of attack for this is a new chemo. Very similar to my old chemo but less side effects and of course... more hair loss. So, when I start loosing my hair I expect lots of cool scarfs and hats to come flooding in my mail. :) I will not (or should not) experience any cold sensitivity or neuropathy and that is a huge blessing. I should expect to deal with some nausea and vomiting and diarrhea and all that is tolerable and then of course...hair thinning. I am not very fond of this, but I'm thinking there is someone out there that really wants me to loose my hair, and if that is going to get me through this...I will gladly loose it. I just need to stay focused and get through this. After about 4 rounds of chemo I will have a CT scan to see if the cancer responds by not spreading and if that is the case, Surgery will be done. I am thinking December will be my liver resection surgery. If anyone has any suggestions of amazing liver surgeons I will gladly meet with them all. :) My oncologist has consulted with my doctor in Houston at MD ANDERSON and he will continue to see me when the chemo and surgery are done. I have opted not to go to MD ANDERSON for the surgery at this time. Being away from home for that long will be hard enough and to be hundreds of miles from home makes it difficult on everyone. Please throw lots of prayers my way. If the insertion of the port is any indication of how this round of kicking arse is going to go...I've got it in the bag. I have done amazingly well with this port. I haven't needed any pain meds and have not have much pain and discomfort with it at all. What a huge blessing and relief. Monday will be my first round of chemotherapy. Pray for me that it goes well and there are no side effects that surprise me. I am going into this fight physically and mentally strong. I trust in the Lord with my whole heart that he has me in his hands and that I am safe. I am the winner...He is on my side! My faith keeps me strong. My family and friends keep me strong. I consider myself blessed. Trust in the Lord always. I give this to him. The port today:

The saddest part of this weekend is not the news I was given about my health, but the news that our little foster baby boy will be going home. He has become a part of our family and we love him so much. This will be heart breaking. Please pray for Jaiden that he is surrounded by love, and cared for. He deserves it. I look at him and it makes me feel so small for even being a little upset about my diagnosis. He started his life out rough...he didn't ask to be addicted to Meth when he was born or to be infected with Hepatitis C. He is the happiest little guy despite how rough his life has already been in the short 4 months he has been here. He is one tough little nugget and such an inspiration to me. WE love him so much and pray for only the best for him.

We are opting for a break in foster parenting at this time to focus on our family and get healthy. Thank you again for the love and support. I consider myself not only to be lucky, but so blessed in everything that has come my way. I have to focus on the good out of every situation and use that to my benefit. Only positive thinking going on over here... Looking forward to a great weekend. Enjoy yours and love the ones you are with!