Confidence...

Confidence is a funny thing. Tomorrow I will have an appointment, just like I do every other week to get my labs drawn and meet with the doctor. I am confident that I will have great numbers in my labs and that I will be able to proceed to chemo treatment number 3. The problem is that confidence is funny...I can feel so great and my numbers can be so crappy...this has happened before. I'm praying it doesn't happen again. I have had a great "good" week. I feel so good. At least I think I do. I mean...really...I'm not sure what good feels like anymore, but for my sake...I feel great! So please pray for me...I really want to stay on track and get my chemo on Monday and go into my crappy week...because I want to win this fight. I have been devastated this week with news of a dear friend struggling with some bad news. I want so badly to write about it, because writing for me is so therapeutic and my heart is really hurting for this friend but I also respect the way other people deal with things ... and so I just ask for special prayers for those dealing with hard times and struggling with bad news and especially for good news for my friend, who desperately needs it. I have been blessed with the love and support from so many and am ready to do the same for someone else in need! Thank you for showing me that there is so much good in people and that I can in return do to others what has been shown to me. It is so amazing how something as horrible and devastating as cancer can be such a blessing. I have had relationships blossom and grow and have become friends with some amazing people who have been there for me from day 1 and continue to fight with me. This is not a battle I can fight on my own. I have always relied on the support and love from my family and friends. For those that have been affected by cancer, they know first hand how important it is to have a support system. It is essential in winning this fight. It feeds your confidence, and confidence is a funny thing. You need it to win. You need it to be confident in your faith and in your fight with cancer. It is out of your hands...and you need to be confident that you will win. Thanks to every one of you that read this, pray for me, send letters, cards, emails, texts, gifts, food, surprises...I have truly been blessed with cancer...and although I will kick its ass...I am thankful for what it has shown me, for opening my eyes, softening my heart and for making me a better person. Cancer sucks...there is no way around that...but If you look for the good in things...it is there. I have found it. To my dear friend...I love you. I am here for you. I will get you through this, just like others have been there for me and carried me through tough times. You will feel so alone sometimes and you will have bad days, but your eyes will be opened and you will see what I see. Life is so precious. You have so many around you that are here for you and we love you. You need to remember that and know that you are not alone. Today was a fantastic day for me...I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Another day spent at the cancer center is another day I get to spend time with my mom...and I love that. Here is my number one reason for kicking cancers arse: My own personal Dora the Explorer...