lazy days...

It's a great dreary and rainy day today. Perfect for taking a nap. I woke up this morning to my room crisp and cool and a warm baby snuggled against me. Now doesn't that sound like heaven? I watched her sleep. Heard her breath. Felt her warmth. She is perfect. I am one lucky mom.
The day is perfect for sleeping in and laying around the house being lazy. Problem is, I'm tired of being tired and tired of laying around and being lazy. (Which is not by choice). I want to do something. I want to get out of the house. I want to clean, bake, cook, shop, walk, just get out...but the energy is not there. Cancer you will be defeted and I will feel good again and things will be even better than I could expect. I am ready for my next 4 treatments...then ready to be on the road to recovery and full of energy and happy again. I just want to smile all the time. Right now...It takes all I have to put a smile on. I hate that. It feels sometimes like cancer has destroyed me. It throws your emotions every which way...you cry alot, you're sad alot, you want to give up...BUT YOU DON'T! It has ruined my body, it has ruined my career, it has wore me out. I know this is all temporary. I know I am at the end, and tomorrow is always better...in fact today has been great. I went in today for my shot of Neulasta. The last one killed. This one was not bad at all. I was thankful!
I need a vacation. I need to get away. I need some fun. I need to feel good. I want to enjoy each day and not be so exhausted. I want to be cancer free. I wish this never happened.

I smiled today, because a dear friend is getting her colonoscopy today. Love you!!! You make me happy.

I smiled today because normally I would love wet, dreary, lazy days...so I will change my attitude now and embrace the chance to relax and enjoy this sleepy weather.

I smiled today because it is Friday...and the week is over...and I have a great week to look forward to!

I love being a mom and each morning I wake up to a smiling kiddo, which in turn puts a smile on my face. I couldn't ask for a better life.

Today has been a great day...tomorrow will be even better.