a survivor!!!

I did not give up...(although I do kind of feel like that)...I am a survivor!

I went to the cancer center today to get my blood drawn. Results were HORRIBLE. I ended up getting another 3000.00 shot of neupogen today and another 3000.00 shot of neupogen tomorrow. I love spending money, but I wouldn't waste a penny on this crap! It litterally has me walking like a crippled person. I have experienced the most intense pain in my left leg and hip it is enough to drive you insane! I only hope that the 6000.00 I spend this week on shots has some amazing results.

Anyway...back to being a survivor...(and yes, secretly I wish I could go on the show...because if I can do 4 rounds of chemo, I can kick Boston Rob's butt)

I met with the nurse practitioner today and...
I discussed how last week was hellacious for me and mentioned I wanted to meet with Dr. R (my oncologist) next week before my next treatment. I wanted his opinion and wanted to discuss thing, like alternatives to this chemo crap. I do like my nurse practitioner...but I'm not sure she really understood just how horrible of a week I had last week (or maybe she really didn't HEAR me)...especially since her only response was "Bless your heart, we'll do a shot today, a shot tomorrow and I'll see you next week for chemo". DID SHE EVEN LOOK AT MY LABS? I'm pretty sure all the nurses did, considering I could hear them while I was in the room waiting...they were all saying "did you see Jennifer's white blood count?" They were impressed that I could possible still be walking around...although I do feel like a zombie, I am still semi alert and oriented. Well, turns out...

Dr. R is going on vacation next week (lucky man), so she had him come in to see me today. We had a wonderful discussion and after reviewing my labs, and side effects I have been experiencing, he came to the conclusion (rather quickly) that the chemo was infact causing neurotoxicity and just plain causing me to be toxic. I'm telling you, that stuff is poison. He mentioned my blood can not tolerate it and we (mainly he) decided what was best for me at this time, was to contact my surgeon and plan on having my reversal surgery (WOOOT WOOOT) in the coming month or so! I will have to be treated for the next possibly week or two to get my blood counts back to a reasonable level...I will have to meet with the surgeon to discuss the actual surgery and what to expect (although I think I'm a pro at this surgery already...well, at least the recovery part) and go from there....

Although I had this entire idea already in my head and had already really given up, I am not a quitter (at least I'm claiming I'm not, since Dr. R. came to this decision on his own!!!). I am a survivor. I'm pretty sure if I had the 8 doses at 100% strength I would not live to tell about it. That stuff is so toxic to me I would most definitely suffer severe long term side effects for the rest of my life. The cancer wouldn't kill me, it would be the chemo.

If after the surgery is done and the pathology comes back saying I do in fact need to continue with the chemo, I will be placed at that time on a newer drug, causing less (or no) side effects! That sounds doable to me!

I smiled alot today. I was relieved. I was happy! I see a brighter tomorrow.

Today was a good day, tomorrow is going to be MUCH better!!!!