Yesterday was a rough day for me, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes I just have a hard time with this. I do a good job of not showing it, and because of that people think I am strong. They tell me things like how I am an inspiration to them and how they wish they were half as strong as I am...sometimes I don't feel like that person. I can't believe that I am only done with chemo treatment number 3. I am exhausted. Sometimes I don't feel like I can take much more, or want to. Do I have a choice? NO! I have to remind myself that not only am I doing this for me, but I have two people at home that need me to get better and a whole gang of people that kinda like me around sometimes! :) Today has been better.
I can't believe how blessed I am sometimes. I have to give a huge thank you to my friend Tara for all that she does. She has taken on this huge task of making my family dinner every Sunday. (Now, I know it won't last forever, but while it does...I appreciate it more than she will ever know!) Not only do I get a dish, but all the sides and fixins to go along with it... and she has never left out my favorite part...the desert! Thank you Tara for all that you have done, and for thinking of my poor throbbing feet today when you brought me over some bath and body foot cream and scrub! You have truely made my day!
I have so many friends that care about me and pray for me and have sent me some of the best gift and words of encouragement. (I have to brag a little) I can't believe it took having cancer to realize just how blessed I am. I would have never known!
Tomorrow starts my week of no chemo. I love those weeks. I usually feel great and enjoy not being hooked up to a pump or being sick. Although I get to visit the cancer center Monday thru Thursday this week for some labs and shots, I am going to enjoy my chemo free week. This weekend is Andrew's birthday and I am excited to celebrate with him and not have to be sick on the couch. Things are looking up!
~Today I smiled when Tara stopped by and dropped off dinner and a gift for me!
~Today I smiled when I got to curl up on the bed and snuggle with my baby girl.
~Today I did NOT smile when KU lost! I thought chemo was bad...that game just about killed me!
~Today I smiled because I am confindent that tomorrow starts a great week...I am looking forward to it.
Today was a good day...tomorrow will definitely be better.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
the down side of chemotherapy...
Tuesday was chemo treatment #3. I was lucky to be able to get it. My labs are extremely low right now. I had to go back in on Friday and get a shot of the neupogen, which will hopefully kick my bone marrow into overdrive and start making some white blood cells as well as neutrophils. My biggest fear right now is getting sick, which is why most of the time I tend to stay at home huddled on the couch away from the world. At least I do this when I am aware of my low counts. I will go back to the Oncologist on Monday to recheck my labs and most likely get my second of five neupogen shots. (Let me tell you...those little shots HURT!)
The neupogen shots cost around 3000.00 a piece. It amazes me the cost of everything. Cancer is expensive folks! (try not to get it!!!)
I have been lucky enough *sarcasm* to experience early the effects from the neupogen shots. I get the most wonderful *sarcasm* sharp shooting pains in my leg and arm bones. I was told it would happen about day 2 or 3... so I'm wondering what I have to look forward to! :) I just keep telling myself... this is all part of the journey.
I was fortunate enough this time to keep from being nauseous. Maybe I am getting use to the feeling? I don't know. I did try to make myself eat this time, which I believe helped a little.
I am thankful I did not feel as horrible as I did the first two times. I am not so thankful to have picked up a few other side effects along the way. I tell you... I must be the 2% that gets to experience it all! I mean...if I'm going to take this journey, why not get the full effect! :)
The drug I go home with that I have in my pump for 46 hours is called 5-FU. The following are some of the side effects:
•Diarrhea. (EVERY TIME I GET CHEMO!!!)
•Nausea and possible occasional vomiting. (You've seen this picture already)
•Mouth sores. (this is a new one!)
•Poor appetite. (only on the second and third day after chemo)
•Watery eyes, sensitivity to light. (this one I have yet to experience...dang)
•Taste changes, metallic taste in mouth during infusion. (mostly when I drink water)
•Discoloration along vein through which the medication is given.
•Low blood counts. Your white and red blood cells and platelets may temporarily decrease. This can put you at increased risk for infection, anemia and/or bleeding.
(This has been a problem ever since my first treatment)
These side effects are less common side effects of patients receiving 5-FU:
•Skin reactions: Dry, cracking, peeling skin. •Hair thinning.
•Nail changes - discoloration, loss of nails
•Hand -foot syndrome -skin rash, swelling, redness, pain and/or peeling of the skin on the palms of hands and soles of feet. (THIS JUST HAPPENED TODAY)
on the up side...I am lucky enough to have the best foot rubber ever! :)
On top of the 5-FU I also get Leucovorin and a drug called Oxaliplatin which is full of just as many side effects as the 5-FU.
Oxaliplatin Infusion Related Side Effects:
•The feeling of difficulty swallowing, shortness of breath, jaw spasm, abnormal tongue sensation and feeling of chest pressure.
The following Oxaliplatin side effects are common for patients taking Oxaliplatin:
•Peripheral neuropathy - Numbness and tingling and cramping of the hands or feet often triggered by cold. (This happens immediately, and it SUCKS, although it only lasts for me about 4-6 days.)
•Nausea and vomiting
•Diarrhea
•Mouth sores
•Low blood counts
•Fatigue
•Loss of appetite
The following are less common Oxaliplatin side effects for patients receiving Oxaliplatin:
•Constipation (This happens before the diarrhea...so I get to experience it all!)
•Fever
•Generalized pain
•Headache
•Cough
•Temporary increases in blood tests measuring liver function.
•Allergic reaction
Now isn't that some lovely stuff! I swear as I sit here with my feet just throbbing and my bag full of crappola, I am bound to experience them all. Life is funny that way.
Sorry to bore you with the long lists, and the disgusting pictures (I promise not to do that again), but I want this to be as real as possible. I'm not sugar coating it and making it look easy, am I?
This is a long journey for me, and even though it is only a milisecond of my life, right now it feels like it is taking FOREVER, and that I've been doing it forever...does that make sense?! My next treatment will put me half way to my surgery...that will be a milestone for me. I need to get that treatment. I need to get them all. Any set back is just a hindrance to me. I want this part of my life behind me. I want to be healthy. I want my husband to get a break. I want to be able to have energy to play with my daughter again. I need my life to go on, without cancer!
~Today I smiled because it snowed while I was napping, making it so beautiful outside. God is good!
~Today I smiled when I got to make dinner for charly and we ate together...even if it was just mac and cheese.
~Today I smiled because I got a card in the mail...those make my day!
~Today I smiled because I took it easy! It is hard for me to just do nothing...it drives me crazy!
Today was a good day (better than I expected), and tomorrow will be even better!
The neupogen shots cost around 3000.00 a piece. It amazes me the cost of everything. Cancer is expensive folks! (try not to get it!!!)
I have been lucky enough *sarcasm* to experience early the effects from the neupogen shots. I get the most wonderful *sarcasm* sharp shooting pains in my leg and arm bones. I was told it would happen about day 2 or 3... so I'm wondering what I have to look forward to! :) I just keep telling myself... this is all part of the journey.
I was fortunate enough this time to keep from being nauseous. Maybe I am getting use to the feeling? I don't know. I did try to make myself eat this time, which I believe helped a little.
I am thankful I did not feel as horrible as I did the first two times. I am not so thankful to have picked up a few other side effects along the way. I tell you... I must be the 2% that gets to experience it all! I mean...if I'm going to take this journey, why not get the full effect! :)
The drug I go home with that I have in my pump for 46 hours is called 5-FU. The following are some of the side effects:
•Diarrhea. (EVERY TIME I GET CHEMO!!!)
•Nausea and possible occasional vomiting. (You've seen this picture already)
•Mouth sores. (this is a new one!)
•Poor appetite. (only on the second and third day after chemo)
•Watery eyes, sensitivity to light. (this one I have yet to experience...dang)
•Taste changes, metallic taste in mouth during infusion. (mostly when I drink water)
•Discoloration along vein through which the medication is given.
•Low blood counts. Your white and red blood cells and platelets may temporarily decrease. This can put you at increased risk for infection, anemia and/or bleeding.
(This has been a problem ever since my first treatment)
These side effects are less common side effects of patients receiving 5-FU:
•Skin reactions: Dry, cracking, peeling skin. •Hair thinning.
•Nail changes - discoloration, loss of nails
•Hand -foot syndrome -skin rash, swelling, redness, pain and/or peeling of the skin on the palms of hands and soles of feet. (THIS JUST HAPPENED TODAY)
on the up side...I am lucky enough to have the best foot rubber ever! :)
On top of the 5-FU I also get Leucovorin and a drug called Oxaliplatin which is full of just as many side effects as the 5-FU.
Oxaliplatin Infusion Related Side Effects:
•The feeling of difficulty swallowing, shortness of breath, jaw spasm, abnormal tongue sensation and feeling of chest pressure.
The following Oxaliplatin side effects are common for patients taking Oxaliplatin:
•Peripheral neuropathy - Numbness and tingling and cramping of the hands or feet often triggered by cold. (This happens immediately, and it SUCKS, although it only lasts for me about 4-6 days.)
•Nausea and vomiting
•Diarrhea
•Mouth sores
•Low blood counts
•Fatigue
•Loss of appetite
The following are less common Oxaliplatin side effects for patients receiving Oxaliplatin:
•Constipation (This happens before the diarrhea...so I get to experience it all!)
•Fever
•Generalized pain
•Headache
•Cough
•Temporary increases in blood tests measuring liver function.
•Allergic reaction
Now isn't that some lovely stuff! I swear as I sit here with my feet just throbbing and my bag full of crappola, I am bound to experience them all. Life is funny that way.
Sorry to bore you with the long lists, and the disgusting pictures (I promise not to do that again), but I want this to be as real as possible. I'm not sugar coating it and making it look easy, am I?
This is a long journey for me, and even though it is only a milisecond of my life, right now it feels like it is taking FOREVER, and that I've been doing it forever...does that make sense?! My next treatment will put me half way to my surgery...that will be a milestone for me. I need to get that treatment. I need to get them all. Any set back is just a hindrance to me. I want this part of my life behind me. I want to be healthy. I want my husband to get a break. I want to be able to have energy to play with my daughter again. I need my life to go on, without cancer!
~Today I smiled because it snowed while I was napping, making it so beautiful outside. God is good!
~Today I smiled when I got to make dinner for charly and we ate together...even if it was just mac and cheese.
~Today I smiled because I got a card in the mail...those make my day!
~Today I smiled because I took it easy! It is hard for me to just do nothing...it drives me crazy!
Today was a good day (better than I expected), and tomorrow will be even better!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Uplifting messages...
I got a card from Andrew's cousin a few days ago that was awesome!!!
The front of the card said:
EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A KID, YOU'D BE THE TOUGHEST MOTHER I'VE EVER KNOWN.
The inside of the card said:
IF I WERE CANCER, I'D BE NERVOUS.
Becky's message said:
JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW HOW STRONG I THINK YOU ARE AND THAT I'M IN YOUR CORNER!
Then today I got a gift bag! This gift bag came from a few friends of mine that work at the medical unit at Ozark Correctional Center.
Inside the bag was a silver bangle bracelet that had engraved "what cancer cannot do" and listed all these things: IT CANNOT CRIPPLE LOVE. IT CANNOT SHATTER HOPE. IT CANNOT CORRODE FAITH. IT CANNOT EAT AWAY PEACE. IT CANNOT DESTROY CONFIDENCE. IT CANNOT KILL FRIENDSHIP. IT CANNOT SHUT OUT MEMORIES. IT CANNOT SILENCE COURAGE. IT CANNOT REDUCE ETERNAL LIFE. IT CANNOT QUENCH THE SPIRIT.
Along with the silver bangle bracelet were a bunch of the rubber bracelets to promote colon cancer and cancer awareness.
This was so cool, but the coolest thing, was when I opened the card. The front of the card read:
SENDING A LITTLE SUNSHINE YOUR WAY!
The hand written note inside the card read:
EACH AND EVERY FRIDAY WE WEAR BLUE IN SUPORT OF YOU AND TO BRING AWARENESS TO COLON CANCER. WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE THOUGHT OF AND PRAYED FOR DAILY. MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU AND HEAL YOU. SIGNED: OZARK CORRECTIONAL CENTER MEDICAL UNIT.
Attached was a picture of the staff wearing blue holding a sign that said :
CANCER SUCKS!
This totally made my day! I can't believe I have so many people on my side, that care for me and think of me and pray for me. I love it! I feel like I've won already! :)
I might add, these are just a couple of the wonderful letters and cards and gifts and meals I get all the time! I am truely blessed! Thank you God!
The front of the card said:
EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A KID, YOU'D BE THE TOUGHEST MOTHER I'VE EVER KNOWN.
The inside of the card said:
IF I WERE CANCER, I'D BE NERVOUS.
Becky's message said:
JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW HOW STRONG I THINK YOU ARE AND THAT I'M IN YOUR CORNER!
Then today I got a gift bag! This gift bag came from a few friends of mine that work at the medical unit at Ozark Correctional Center.
Inside the bag was a silver bangle bracelet that had engraved "what cancer cannot do" and listed all these things: IT CANNOT CRIPPLE LOVE. IT CANNOT SHATTER HOPE. IT CANNOT CORRODE FAITH. IT CANNOT EAT AWAY PEACE. IT CANNOT DESTROY CONFIDENCE. IT CANNOT KILL FRIENDSHIP. IT CANNOT SHUT OUT MEMORIES. IT CANNOT SILENCE COURAGE. IT CANNOT REDUCE ETERNAL LIFE. IT CANNOT QUENCH THE SPIRIT.
Along with the silver bangle bracelet were a bunch of the rubber bracelets to promote colon cancer and cancer awareness.
This was so cool, but the coolest thing, was when I opened the card. The front of the card read:
SENDING A LITTLE SUNSHINE YOUR WAY!
The hand written note inside the card read:
EACH AND EVERY FRIDAY WE WEAR BLUE IN SUPORT OF YOU AND TO BRING AWARENESS TO COLON CANCER. WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE THOUGHT OF AND PRAYED FOR DAILY. MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU AND HEAL YOU. SIGNED: OZARK CORRECTIONAL CENTER MEDICAL UNIT.
Attached was a picture of the staff wearing blue holding a sign that said :
CANCER SUCKS!
This totally made my day! I can't believe I have so many people on my side, that care for me and think of me and pray for me. I love it! I feel like I've won already! :)
I might add, these are just a couple of the wonderful letters and cards and gifts and meals I get all the time! I am truely blessed! Thank you God!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Chemo #3...
Chemo treatment #3 today...one more and I'm half way to my surgery! It seems crazy to be so anxious for the next surgery, especially knowing (and remembering) every little detail about it...I'm pretty sure it is worse than having a baby...because i remembered it!!! I have never physically delivered a full term baby, but if you forget that pain...my surgery has to be worse. I didn't forget it... and yet, I can't wait for it. (I know those that have had babies will disagree, and that is ok) I just want this colostomy bag removed so bad I can taste it...GROSS...no, I can't taste it... but I just can't wait! Although...it did come through for me last night as I was experiencing some tummy trauma...I slept right through it, and instead of having to wake up and sit on the pot in the middle of the night with cramping, I got to enjoy my sleep and let that little bag do the work...so, ok...sometimes it does come in handy. AND THEN...there are other times not so much...like this past week when I was in a meeting one on one with my new boss...it just had to voice it's opinion in the middle of our meeting...HOW EMBARRASSING!!! I have yet to come up with a good line when this happens. The people I know that are closest to me, think it is a hoot...other people that I don't know so well...I can't imagine what they think!!!! If you can think of anything let me know. I'm sure one of you will come through for me! :)
So, on to today...I spent the day at the cancer center with my husband. BOY DID WE LAUGH OUR ARSES OFF!!! There were times I was laughing so hard (you know... that ugly laugh/cry) that I was literally CRYING!!!! I'm not sure what the other people in the cancer center thought of it! I mean, how could someone be having so much fun while getting chemo? Well, we did!
First I got my port accessed...
...and then we were off on our 3rd Chemo treatment.
My labs that they draw every time did come back this morning lower than EVER! This just means that the chemo is working TOO well! It is doing the job. I can't argue with that. It would just be nice to have a little reserve hanging around of some white blood cells or neutrophils to fight off any infections I might come in contact with. This is kinda scary! The smallest cold or urinary tract infection could put me in the hospital for days. This is what I try to avoid!
Due to the low labs, I will go back in on Friday (not looking forward to that, since Friday's are a rough day for me) to get some labs drawn and if needed start the neupogen shots for the next five days. I'm hoping I get them, only because I want my labs to go up! I am not looking forward to more side effects...this time bone pain.
So...I visited with Dr. R today (who made me strip down and get in a gown...dislike) and we are still on tract to do 4 months of this (every 2 weeks) and then plan on the surgery (like)!!! WHOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!! Couldn't make me happier!
Not long after I was hooked up to the chemo in the IV, lunch was served and the good times rolled!
When lunch was served I opened it up and this is what I saw:
Now, this is a decent lunch...but not for someone with a colostomy! I shouldn't eat rice, I despise brussel sprouts, and shouldn't eat them (well, I've never tried them, but I just know I would hate them), and a chicken fried steak...what are they trying to do to me??? I would be a walking gas bomb!!! NO THANK YOU!
So, I dared Andrew to try a brussel sprout, since he had never tried one, and unlike myself, is willing to try new foods...
He tried it...
...and like I guessed, he despised it! Precisely the reason I would never try one! I must say... I am smarter than that! :) I'm pretty sure as he chewed that brussel sprout grew larger and larger...I was dying of laughter and so was the nearly 88 year old man sitting next to him, who informed him in the future not to eat them since he believed they were not even on the food chain! Hilarious!
The day was good.
I came back to the house and we cleaned and disinfected everything!
Here is to the week...let's hope I don't get sick and let's hope I can make it to the funeral on Sunday in Iowa. Dr. R will let me know if I can travel on Friday when I go in for some blood draws before I see if I need the shots.
Say a prayer.
~I smiled today when Andrew lost all my contact on my phone (I didn't smile too hard at that) and then told me very quietly "Jen, I lost all your contacts on your phone, please don't yell at me in public...wait till we get in the car"...we laughed so hard at that!
~I smiled today when we picked up a happy kiddo! I love when she is in a good mood.
~I smiled today because my husband took me to the bakery before my appointment...he is the best!
~I smiled today because tomorrow my mom will be here... I miss her. She really helps me through this.
Today was a good day, oh LORD, let tomorrow be better!!!
So, on to today...I spent the day at the cancer center with my husband. BOY DID WE LAUGH OUR ARSES OFF!!! There were times I was laughing so hard (you know... that ugly laugh/cry) that I was literally CRYING!!!! I'm not sure what the other people in the cancer center thought of it! I mean, how could someone be having so much fun while getting chemo? Well, we did!
First I got my port accessed...
...and then we were off on our 3rd Chemo treatment.
My labs that they draw every time did come back this morning lower than EVER! This just means that the chemo is working TOO well! It is doing the job. I can't argue with that. It would just be nice to have a little reserve hanging around of some white blood cells or neutrophils to fight off any infections I might come in contact with. This is kinda scary! The smallest cold or urinary tract infection could put me in the hospital for days. This is what I try to avoid!
Due to the low labs, I will go back in on Friday (not looking forward to that, since Friday's are a rough day for me) to get some labs drawn and if needed start the neupogen shots for the next five days. I'm hoping I get them, only because I want my labs to go up! I am not looking forward to more side effects...this time bone pain.
So...I visited with Dr. R today (who made me strip down and get in a gown...dislike) and we are still on tract to do 4 months of this (every 2 weeks) and then plan on the surgery (like)!!! WHOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!! Couldn't make me happier!
Not long after I was hooked up to the chemo in the IV, lunch was served and the good times rolled!
When lunch was served I opened it up and this is what I saw:
Now, this is a decent lunch...but not for someone with a colostomy! I shouldn't eat rice, I despise brussel sprouts, and shouldn't eat them (well, I've never tried them, but I just know I would hate them), and a chicken fried steak...what are they trying to do to me??? I would be a walking gas bomb!!! NO THANK YOU!
So, I dared Andrew to try a brussel sprout, since he had never tried one, and unlike myself, is willing to try new foods...
He tried it...
...and like I guessed, he despised it! Precisely the reason I would never try one! I must say... I am smarter than that! :) I'm pretty sure as he chewed that brussel sprout grew larger and larger...I was dying of laughter and so was the nearly 88 year old man sitting next to him, who informed him in the future not to eat them since he believed they were not even on the food chain! Hilarious!
The day was good.
I came back to the house and we cleaned and disinfected everything!
Here is to the week...let's hope I don't get sick and let's hope I can make it to the funeral on Sunday in Iowa. Dr. R will let me know if I can travel on Friday when I go in for some blood draws before I see if I need the shots.
Say a prayer.
~I smiled today when Andrew lost all my contact on my phone (I didn't smile too hard at that) and then told me very quietly "Jen, I lost all your contacts on your phone, please don't yell at me in public...wait till we get in the car"...we laughed so hard at that!
~I smiled today when we picked up a happy kiddo! I love when she is in a good mood.
~I smiled today because my husband took me to the bakery before my appointment...he is the best!
~I smiled today because tomorrow my mom will be here... I miss her. She really helps me through this.
Today was a good day, oh LORD, let tomorrow be better!!!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Ready to roll...
That is right... I'm still kicking cancers arse. Cancer has not had the best of me! I have had a wonderful week! I felt great all week. I worked all week. I enjoyed my family all week. Things were great. This week, fighting cancer was easy! PIECE OF CAKE! This next week...will be a fight. It comes too quick for me. Right when I start to feel great...whamo... it is time again for the fight. I am up for it though! I have been rejuvinated and ready to roll!
Yesterday I begged my husband (I really didn't have to beg too hard) to take us for a day trip into St. Louis so we could enjoy a fun day. I wanted to do something as a family while I felt good. I wanted to have fun. We did! We enjoyed a few hours at the Children's Museum/Magic House. We accomplished our goal of wearing out Charly and we were home shortly after lunch. It was a quick trip, but we had a blast.
(It would have been a much better picture if we were ready for it...)
Also this week, we had a lesson on just how short life really is. Andrew's uncle passed away after suffering a massive heart attack while he and his wife were visiting their daughter. After being in a coma all week and fighting for his life all week, it was his time to go. Life is short. Enjoy every day. Smile as much as you can, and love the people around you.
Although I am not dying of cancer today, and hope I am not dying of cancer in the coming years, there is always a fear I have that because of this diagnosis my life will be greatly shortened. I read a statistic that 40 percent of people diagnosed with colon cancer will make it to 10 years. I don't like those odds. I do not like cancer statistics! I will always fear that it will come back. I want to see my baby grow up. I want to live, and because I want to live so bad, I am fighting now!
I was asked this week why I have to do the chemo. It is a question that I have asked as well. My only answer, and the answer I get from my oncologist, is that I fight now and take the chemo to have a better life insurance policy on my future. I am fairly confident as well as the physicians that have been taking care of me and following me, that all of the cancer was removed and did not spread. The only concern that they have, is that when I had my emergency surgery, Dr. T did not remove enough lymph nodes to determine if the cancer had spread to my lymph system. In order to determine this, they have to remove at least 20 lymph nodes. This will be done at my next surgery. When they go in to reverse my colostomy, they will remove lymph nodes as well to determine if the cancer had spread or not. When I did my PET scan the results were good and did not detect any cancer in the lymph nodes at that time, but unless the lymph nodes were larger than 1cm they would not show up. This is why I do the Chemo. This is why I fight. Just to be safe. Also, I am only 32 years old...I have a lot of years ahead of me. I want to kick any tiny cancer cells arse that happens to be floating around my body! And so the fight continues...
Tuesday will be chemo treatment #3! Moving right along. Until then...
~I smiled today because we made it to church!
~I smiled today because we went to brunch with my sister and her friend. I love my family!
~I smiled today because I made my husbands day by letting him go fishing at the lake while I stayed home to hang out with Charly and clean and get ready for my week ahead. He needed a break and some rejuvinating as well!
~I smiled today because life is fun! (Sometimes a struggle...but it is a fun journey!)
~I smiled today because it is BEAUTIFUL outside and I still have 1 1/2 days till my next chemo!
Today was a great day...tomorrow will be even better!
Yesterday I begged my husband (I really didn't have to beg too hard) to take us for a day trip into St. Louis so we could enjoy a fun day. I wanted to do something as a family while I felt good. I wanted to have fun. We did! We enjoyed a few hours at the Children's Museum/Magic House. We accomplished our goal of wearing out Charly and we were home shortly after lunch. It was a quick trip, but we had a blast.
(It would have been a much better picture if we were ready for it...)
Also this week, we had a lesson on just how short life really is. Andrew's uncle passed away after suffering a massive heart attack while he and his wife were visiting their daughter. After being in a coma all week and fighting for his life all week, it was his time to go. Life is short. Enjoy every day. Smile as much as you can, and love the people around you.
Although I am not dying of cancer today, and hope I am not dying of cancer in the coming years, there is always a fear I have that because of this diagnosis my life will be greatly shortened. I read a statistic that 40 percent of people diagnosed with colon cancer will make it to 10 years. I don't like those odds. I do not like cancer statistics! I will always fear that it will come back. I want to see my baby grow up. I want to live, and because I want to live so bad, I am fighting now!
I was asked this week why I have to do the chemo. It is a question that I have asked as well. My only answer, and the answer I get from my oncologist, is that I fight now and take the chemo to have a better life insurance policy on my future. I am fairly confident as well as the physicians that have been taking care of me and following me, that all of the cancer was removed and did not spread. The only concern that they have, is that when I had my emergency surgery, Dr. T did not remove enough lymph nodes to determine if the cancer had spread to my lymph system. In order to determine this, they have to remove at least 20 lymph nodes. This will be done at my next surgery. When they go in to reverse my colostomy, they will remove lymph nodes as well to determine if the cancer had spread or not. When I did my PET scan the results were good and did not detect any cancer in the lymph nodes at that time, but unless the lymph nodes were larger than 1cm they would not show up. This is why I do the Chemo. This is why I fight. Just to be safe. Also, I am only 32 years old...I have a lot of years ahead of me. I want to kick any tiny cancer cells arse that happens to be floating around my body! And so the fight continues...
Tuesday will be chemo treatment #3! Moving right along. Until then...
~I smiled today because we made it to church!
~I smiled today because we went to brunch with my sister and her friend. I love my family!
~I smiled today because I made my husbands day by letting him go fishing at the lake while I stayed home to hang out with Charly and clean and get ready for my week ahead. He needed a break and some rejuvinating as well!
~I smiled today because life is fun! (Sometimes a struggle...but it is a fun journey!)
~I smiled today because it is BEAUTIFUL outside and I still have 1 1/2 days till my next chemo!
Today was a great day...tomorrow will be even better!
Monday, March 14, 2011
why?
8 weeks ago I had surgery...
Surgery to remove CANCER from my large intestine. CANCER. For those that are close to me, they know that I have taken this pretty well. Heck, I laugh often about it. I mean, what else can you do?
I have a hole in my stomach (which by the way is surprisingly smaller than it was 8 weeks ago (I may show pictures eventually)) that makes weird noises and spits out some disgusting stuff at random times throughout the day.
I have a large scar on my stomach that has made my once beautiful flat tummy pretty horrible to look at. (Ok...also, for those of you that know me, know that I do not have a beautiful flat tummy...never had... and now...NEVER WILL!)
I have a wire in my neck that protrudes and feels weird.
I have a port in my chest.
I spend time at a CANCER center every other week for crying out loud...
All of these things I did not have 8 weeks ago...WHY?
I am not a person to dwell on things and feel sorry for myself...but I do have to stop and think, WHY? Why did things happen the way they did? Why did I end up at 32 with cancer?
Maybe instead of WHY, I should ask HOW?
How was I so lucky to call my friend that night to get some advice...and end up at the ER? How was it that my ugly hole on my stomach actually saved my life...and I still hate it! How was it, that I did not die! I am positive there is a GOD!
All of this makes me look at my life. I am not sad about things...maybe a little upset that it has interfered with my upcoming swimming season slightly, or that camping will probably be out of the question this summer and that half of the month I spend sick and exhausted...but I am not sad. I just see things differently...
I pray more.
I love more.
I dream more.
I care more.
I hope more.
I google more.
I smile more...
~Today I smiled when I woke up and it had snowed...ok...I just lied. I did not smile at that!
~Today I smiled when my daughter met me at the babysitters door and was excited to see me!
~Today I smiled when I put dinner in the oven and didn't have to make it! I have such awesome friends that have brought me the best meals ever!!! I could never thank them enough!!!
~Today I smiled because I wasn't sick!!! Maybe exhausted...but not sick!
Today was a good day...tomorrow will be even better!
Surgery to remove CANCER from my large intestine. CANCER. For those that are close to me, they know that I have taken this pretty well. Heck, I laugh often about it. I mean, what else can you do?
I have a hole in my stomach (which by the way is surprisingly smaller than it was 8 weeks ago (I may show pictures eventually)) that makes weird noises and spits out some disgusting stuff at random times throughout the day.
I have a large scar on my stomach that has made my once beautiful flat tummy pretty horrible to look at. (Ok...also, for those of you that know me, know that I do not have a beautiful flat tummy...never had... and now...NEVER WILL!)
I have a wire in my neck that protrudes and feels weird.
I have a port in my chest.
I spend time at a CANCER center every other week for crying out loud...
All of these things I did not have 8 weeks ago...WHY?
I am not a person to dwell on things and feel sorry for myself...but I do have to stop and think, WHY? Why did things happen the way they did? Why did I end up at 32 with cancer?
Maybe instead of WHY, I should ask HOW?
How was I so lucky to call my friend that night to get some advice...and end up at the ER? How was it that my ugly hole on my stomach actually saved my life...and I still hate it! How was it, that I did not die! I am positive there is a GOD!
All of this makes me look at my life. I am not sad about things...maybe a little upset that it has interfered with my upcoming swimming season slightly, or that camping will probably be out of the question this summer and that half of the month I spend sick and exhausted...but I am not sad. I just see things differently...
I pray more.
I love more.
I dream more.
I care more.
I hope more.
I google more.
I smile more...
~Today I smiled when I woke up and it had snowed...ok...I just lied. I did not smile at that!
~Today I smiled when my daughter met me at the babysitters door and was excited to see me!
~Today I smiled when I put dinner in the oven and didn't have to make it! I have such awesome friends that have brought me the best meals ever!!! I could never thank them enough!!!
~Today I smiled because I wasn't sick!!! Maybe exhausted...but not sick!
Today was a good day...tomorrow will be even better!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
accomplishments...
This proves I did do something more than lay around all day! Although I was not feeling well, I did manage to accomplish a few things! #1 I showered!!! #2 I got some great Charly time in!!! I know... I didn't have the energy to put on make-up, but at least you got a smile! :)
Friday, March 11, 2011
revisiting the plastic grocery sack...
I've been hunkering down. Since I disconnected on Thursday around 11 am, I have spent much of my time laying on the couch trying to avoid being sick, and staying on top of the nausea. I think after 2 days, I have become immune to the anti-nausea medication.
I thought I could get through my bad day 3 and 4 unscathed with the help of my new meds, and for the most part I did. But it never fails...my mom, who has been here to help me out, leaves and voila...I become ill. Ill as in head in a plastic bag again! No fun!
I am now 2 hours since my last visit inside the plastic bag, and once again have been hunkering down... trying not to move...trying to keep from being sick. Did I mention Chemo sucks!
I did get to spend the last hour in my bed with my almost 2 year old watching max and ruby while we laid there...she was drinking her milk and I was trying to drink my water. This is no fun sometimes! It was nice to get to lay here with her! I miss having my energy! Just knowing there is an end in site eventually, definitely helps me out.
Chemo just wears me down. (And this is only treatment #2) I hope that trying to stay down on day 3 and 4 will help me bounce back. I hope that trying to take it easy is the answer. I'm pretty sure every chemo treatment I will keep trying something new, until I finally get down what I need to do, and then...I'll be done! :) That will be ok!
It was hard, but...
~I smiled today when I got out of the house for a quick car ride...and the weather was beautiful!
~I smiled today when I got a couple messages on my phone from some very special people!
~I smiled today when I got to spend some relaxing time with my daughter!
~I smiled today because...once again...chemo week could also be renamed...weight loss week! (that does make me smile!) (definitely not the way I want to loose weight, but hey...if it works, you gotta go with it!)
Today was a good day...I'm looking forward to tomorrow being better!
I thought I could get through my bad day 3 and 4 unscathed with the help of my new meds, and for the most part I did. But it never fails...my mom, who has been here to help me out, leaves and voila...I become ill. Ill as in head in a plastic bag again! No fun!
I am now 2 hours since my last visit inside the plastic bag, and once again have been hunkering down... trying not to move...trying to keep from being sick. Did I mention Chemo sucks!
I did get to spend the last hour in my bed with my almost 2 year old watching max and ruby while we laid there...she was drinking her milk and I was trying to drink my water. This is no fun sometimes! It was nice to get to lay here with her! I miss having my energy! Just knowing there is an end in site eventually, definitely helps me out.
Chemo just wears me down. (And this is only treatment #2) I hope that trying to stay down on day 3 and 4 will help me bounce back. I hope that trying to take it easy is the answer. I'm pretty sure every chemo treatment I will keep trying something new, until I finally get down what I need to do, and then...I'll be done! :) That will be ok!
It was hard, but...
~I smiled today when I got out of the house for a quick car ride...and the weather was beautiful!
~I smiled today when I got a couple messages on my phone from some very special people!
~I smiled today when I got to spend some relaxing time with my daughter!
~I smiled today because...once again...chemo week could also be renamed...weight loss week! (that does make me smile!) (definitely not the way I want to loose weight, but hey...if it works, you gotta go with it!)
Today was a good day...I'm looking forward to tomorrow being better!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
chemo treatment #2...
Prayers are answered! Chemo treatment #2 was a success! Here is how the day went for me:
I put on the lidocaine cream prior to my appointment...
I got to the center and had my mediport accessed! It did take three tries, but thanks to the cream, I didn't feel a thing!
I don't smile ALL the time! This was me, waiting for my lab work and wishing the sun was shinning! From now on, pray for sunshine on my chemo days! :)
Finally hooked up to chemo! My labs were not perfect, so 2 of the chemo drugs I get had to be given to me at 80% and not the full 100% strength. If my labs next time are the same, I will probably have to start a steroid to help boost my bone marrow. All that says to me...I'm gonna temporarily get fatter! :(
So after the chemo, I went home and my mom was waiting for me at the house! Thank GOD she is here for me. She also bought me a backpack to hold my pump. It does make it easier to get things done around the house without having that stupid thin on my hip! Thank you MOM!!!! Plus it is pretty stylish! :)
Well, so far I have been doused in some mega poisons that are suppose to help me...lets just hope they don't make me sick! So far I have definitely had to refraind from cold again! :( I have also had a few episodes of some tummy trauma (that is a nice way of saying stomach aches!) NO real side effect of nausea yet! KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSSED!!! I really don't want to post another picture of me looking like crap and sicker than a dog! :)
~I smiled today because my mom is here!
~I smiled today because I made someone's day!
~I smiled today.
Today was a good day...tomorrow better be a better one! :)
I put on the lidocaine cream prior to my appointment...
I got to the center and had my mediport accessed! It did take three tries, but thanks to the cream, I didn't feel a thing!
I don't smile ALL the time! This was me, waiting for my lab work and wishing the sun was shinning! From now on, pray for sunshine on my chemo days! :)
Finally hooked up to chemo! My labs were not perfect, so 2 of the chemo drugs I get had to be given to me at 80% and not the full 100% strength. If my labs next time are the same, I will probably have to start a steroid to help boost my bone marrow. All that says to me...I'm gonna temporarily get fatter! :(
So after the chemo, I went home and my mom was waiting for me at the house! Thank GOD she is here for me. She also bought me a backpack to hold my pump. It does make it easier to get things done around the house without having that stupid thin on my hip! Thank you MOM!!!! Plus it is pretty stylish! :)
Well, so far I have been doused in some mega poisons that are suppose to help me...lets just hope they don't make me sick! So far I have definitely had to refraind from cold again! :( I have also had a few episodes of some tummy trauma (that is a nice way of saying stomach aches!) NO real side effect of nausea yet! KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSSED!!! I really don't want to post another picture of me looking like crap and sicker than a dog! :)
~I smiled today because my mom is here!
~I smiled today because I made someone's day!
~I smiled today.
Today was a good day...tomorrow better be a better one! :)
Monday, March 7, 2011
say a prayer...
If you happen to be reading this...say a prayer for me. (Please!) Tomorrow is scheduled for Chemo treatment #2. If you don't remember or didn't read...my initial Chemo treatment #2 got delayed due to some low blood counts. Please pray that my counts are up and I can proceed with the treatment!
I'll give you 2 minutes....
OK...Thank you!!! God listens to your prayers, and I need them! I want nothing more than to go in to the cancer center tomorrow and be able to do my Chemo treatment #2. As much as I am dreading it and not looking forward to having to carry around the pump again for 46 hours and then probably getting sick, I want to get it over with. I want nothing more than to have this behind me. I want this millisecond of my life to pass by! I need this Chemo treatment #2 to take place tomorrow for my own sanity. I need to be on the Chemo treatment path and not have anymore detours!
So, Thank you! Thank you for the prayers and good thoughts!
Today was an excellent day for me! I don't take good day for granted. I savor ever minute I have that is good! I love every second I get to smile!
I got to spend the evening on a date with my husband! What a blessing that I got a babysitter for a few hours, to be able to sit with him and just enjoy our time together. It was what I needed before going into my Chemo treatment tomorrow!
My husband will go with me to my treatment tomorrow and then my mom will show up to help me though the week. She is such a blessing to me. Plus she told me she bought me a small backpack to put my pump in! This will be so nice and make it much easier to function around the house (and don't you worry, I will have pictures!).
Thank you again for the prayer!
~I smiled today because I got to go on a date with a hottie!
~I smiled today because the bag cooperated with me once again and did not interfere with a meeting I was in!
~I smiled today because my house is clean and there are meals already made!!! Yes, I was very productive this weekend!!!
~I smiled today because I am so blessed! God loves me! He has a plan for me...
Today was a great day! A GREAT ONE!!! Tomorrow will be even better!!! Thanks again for the prayer!
I'll give you 2 minutes....
OK...Thank you!!! God listens to your prayers, and I need them! I want nothing more than to go in to the cancer center tomorrow and be able to do my Chemo treatment #2. As much as I am dreading it and not looking forward to having to carry around the pump again for 46 hours and then probably getting sick, I want to get it over with. I want nothing more than to have this behind me. I want this millisecond of my life to pass by! I need this Chemo treatment #2 to take place tomorrow for my own sanity. I need to be on the Chemo treatment path and not have anymore detours!
So, Thank you! Thank you for the prayers and good thoughts!
Today was an excellent day for me! I don't take good day for granted. I savor ever minute I have that is good! I love every second I get to smile!
I got to spend the evening on a date with my husband! What a blessing that I got a babysitter for a few hours, to be able to sit with him and just enjoy our time together. It was what I needed before going into my Chemo treatment tomorrow!
My husband will go with me to my treatment tomorrow and then my mom will show up to help me though the week. She is such a blessing to me. Plus she told me she bought me a small backpack to put my pump in! This will be so nice and make it much easier to function around the house (and don't you worry, I will have pictures!).
Thank you again for the prayer!
~I smiled today because I got to go on a date with a hottie!
~I smiled today because the bag cooperated with me once again and did not interfere with a meeting I was in!
~I smiled today because my house is clean and there are meals already made!!! Yes, I was very productive this weekend!!!
~I smiled today because I am so blessed! God loves me! He has a plan for me...
Today was a great day! A GREAT ONE!!! Tomorrow will be even better!!! Thanks again for the prayer!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
blown away
Since January 23rd, I have been blessed enough to get all kinds of flowers, balloons, stuffed animals, quilts, slippers, visits, food and goodies, and LOTS OF CARDS in the mail! I love this. I have loved the attention, the support, the love! I could never get bored of it.
I am excited when I come home from work to get the mail. I usually have a card in there and that just makes my day. This has been the norm for the past 6 weeks.
Recently...my mail has been overrun with BILLS. MEDICAL BILLS. This is not so fun!
I was shocked today to find out that just one of my chemo treatments cost $10,515.91 with my premeds costing over $1000.00! Isn't that unheard of? Isn't that insane? Wow, is all I can say...and THANK GOD for insurance!
~I smiled today because I paid it forward!
~I smiled today when my daughter found the hidden chocolate. I'm pretty sure she's a chocoholic!
~I smiled today because life is good...and totally worth living!
~I smiled today when I got a babysitter for Monday night so I can take my husband out for dinner before my next chemo! (Thanks Jade!!!)
~I smiled today because I found another piece of furniture to buy on craigslist...I'm addicted! :) (don't tell my husband!)
~I smiled today because tomorrow I start my new job and have been fortunate and blessed to have been trained by the best! Thank you Kim, and I love you!!!
Today was a great day...can't wait for tomorrow to be better!
I am excited when I come home from work to get the mail. I usually have a card in there and that just makes my day. This has been the norm for the past 6 weeks.
Recently...my mail has been overrun with BILLS. MEDICAL BILLS. This is not so fun!
I was shocked today to find out that just one of my chemo treatments cost $10,515.91 with my premeds costing over $1000.00! Isn't that unheard of? Isn't that insane? Wow, is all I can say...and THANK GOD for insurance!
~I smiled today because I paid it forward!
~I smiled today when my daughter found the hidden chocolate. I'm pretty sure she's a chocoholic!
~I smiled today because life is good...and totally worth living!
~I smiled today when I got a babysitter for Monday night so I can take my husband out for dinner before my next chemo! (Thanks Jade!!!)
~I smiled today because I found another piece of furniture to buy on craigslist...I'm addicted! :) (don't tell my husband!)
~I smiled today because tomorrow I start my new job and have been fortunate and blessed to have been trained by the best! Thank you Kim, and I love you!!!
Today was a great day...can't wait for tomorrow to be better!
Friday, March 4, 2011
this is just a milisecond...
I got an email today from a doctor friend. He told me he was proud of me and to keep fighting and that what I am going through was just a milisecond compared to a life of good health. He is right.
I got to talk to a friend today who also had cancer (almost 5 years cancer free!!!) and realized how much worse her situation was when she was diagnosed and everything that she went through. She had a newborn baby!!! It puts things in perspective.
I know that when you think things are bad, there is always someone that is dealing with something worse. It makes me take a look at my life and how blessed I truly am! I am a changed person. People think I am so strong. I have to be, I don't have a choice.
I got off work today (which is a blessing in itself that I still have a job and can actually still go to work), and when I got home there was a package at my door! To my suprise I was greeted with a package of the yummiest chocolate covered strawberries...and they were beautiful! Almost too beautiful to eat. I am so blessed. I have people that care about me. I have people that think about me. I have people that encourage me. I have people that inspire me.
This has really been a great week. Yesterday at work the personnel club presented me with a check from the benefit they had for me. Of course I cried. To think that people pulled together for me... To think that there are people that really care... To think that I am really special... Strawberries today just topped it off!
I am blessed.
I have a weekend home with my daughter to enjoy before my next chemo treatment, my husband will be gone at drill.(that is...chemo if my blood counts are up) I look forward to my mom coming to see me and spending time with me. I do not look forward to the possibility of getting sick, but it helps to know that it won't last, and of course I always remember that tomorrow will be better than today!
~I smiled today because someone thought about me enough to send me such a sweet treat!
~I smiled today because it was Friday!!!
~I smiled today because I got to have a great conversation with a friend.
~I smiled today because we got to witness a really cool storm from the comfort our our living room.
Today was such a great day, but tomorrow is going to be better.
I got to talk to a friend today who also had cancer (almost 5 years cancer free!!!) and realized how much worse her situation was when she was diagnosed and everything that she went through. She had a newborn baby!!! It puts things in perspective.
I know that when you think things are bad, there is always someone that is dealing with something worse. It makes me take a look at my life and how blessed I truly am! I am a changed person. People think I am so strong. I have to be, I don't have a choice.
I got off work today (which is a blessing in itself that I still have a job and can actually still go to work), and when I got home there was a package at my door! To my suprise I was greeted with a package of the yummiest chocolate covered strawberries...and they were beautiful! Almost too beautiful to eat. I am so blessed. I have people that care about me. I have people that think about me. I have people that encourage me. I have people that inspire me.
This has really been a great week. Yesterday at work the personnel club presented me with a check from the benefit they had for me. Of course I cried. To think that people pulled together for me... To think that there are people that really care... To think that I am really special... Strawberries today just topped it off!
I am blessed.
I have a weekend home with my daughter to enjoy before my next chemo treatment, my husband will be gone at drill.(that is...chemo if my blood counts are up) I look forward to my mom coming to see me and spending time with me. I do not look forward to the possibility of getting sick, but it helps to know that it won't last, and of course I always remember that tomorrow will be better than today!
~I smiled today because someone thought about me enough to send me such a sweet treat!
~I smiled today because it was Friday!!!
~I smiled today because I got to have a great conversation with a friend.
~I smiled today because we got to witness a really cool storm from the comfort our our living room.
Today was such a great day, but tomorrow is going to be better.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
delayed
Today was suppose to be chemo treatment number 2. That is right...suppose to be.
I woke up and got all ready for the big day. I took a nice long shower since I wouldn't be showering for the next 2 days...remember I would be carrying around the pump. I got dressed and headed to the grocery store with my husband to get stocked up for the week. He took the day off work to spend with me at the cancer center getting chemo.
On my good days I try to get things done around the house...I clean, I cook, I do some grocery shopping...all this to prepare for the bad days, hence the grocery shopping.
We came back from the store and put everything away, giving me just enough time to put on the lidocaine cream over my mediport site before I was off to the cancer center. They gave me the lidocaine cream at my last visit and told me it will help when they access it with that big 'ol needle. It worked I might add!!! I didn't feel a thing...not a thing!
applying lidocaine cream to my mediport site:
covering the cream with an opsite:
prep complete and all ready to go:
So off to the cancer center we went. As soon as I checked in they put me in the infusion room to get my mediport accessed.
accessing mediport:
After they accessed my mediport they drew some labs prior to my chemo treatment being started. This is where things take a turn. We spent the rest of our time in a waiting room with both my favorite nurse practitioner and my favorite oncologist in and out with lots of information for us.
waiting in the room (chewing on ice and drinking ice water I might add, since I thought that would be the end of my cold beverages for awhile):
Results of my CBC (blood work)
prior to chemo my WBC (white blood cells) were 6.69 today 2 normal is 4.8-10.8
prior to chemo my RBC (red blood cells) were 4.34 today 4 normal is 4.2-5.4
prior to chemo my HGB (hemoglobin) was 11.8 today it was 9 normal is 12.0-16.0
prior to chemo my neutrophils (important)was 3.59 today .54 normal is 1.4-6.5
What does this mean? Well... it means I couldn't do chemo. The chemo treatment #1 knocked my white blood cells and my neutrophils down too much (also the fact that I was fighting a cold/virus didn't help). They talked about giving me injections of neupogene (sp?) which would stimulate my bone marrow to produce white blood cells. This did not happen today, but could be a possibility in the future if my blood count doesn't go up enough. So...instead they delayed my chemo for 1 week. This is good because it gives me another week of feeling good and another week without the pump. This is bad because it prolongs my treatment.
I did learn today that I spoke too soon. We thought after our last meeting with Dr. R that I would only have to do 4 months of chemo, but now he is back to saying 6. The plan is to do the reversal surgery after 4 months and then have 2 more months of chemo to complete.
Dr. R informed us today that he did some genetic testing on me which he discovered I have a balanced translocation (basically some jacked up DNA). This was not news to us...we knew this from our genetic testing when we were trying to have a baby. What this means in the OB world is multiple miscarriages and eventually maybe having a healthy baby...what this means in the cancer world is that I have an increased chance for this cancer to reoccur...BUT DR.R said it also means that I will have a better response to the chemo. Apparently people with jacked up DNA respond well to chemo. Good news...and bad news. Because of the chance for recurrence, we are back to the 6 month treatment plan.
I also found out today that the last 3 nights that I have been waking up sweaty is also a side effect from the chemo. It has put me in a pre-menopausal state. You have got to be kidding me... I just love all these side effects.
Another thing...during my exam with the nurse practitioner I asked her about my bloody noses (which I have been having daily...and almost every time I blow my nose). I thought it was from my cold...it looks like the chemo has caused sores in my nose that have become infected with MRSA. I am now on antibiotics for this. I'm guessing working in a prison at this time is probably not the smartest thing for me...but ya gotta do what ya gotta do...and I love my job.
So...I spent the day basically getting my mediport accessed and deaccessed!
showing off my accessed mediport site:
I'm hoping that by next Tuesday my blood work is at least in the normal range so I can get back on track with the chemo. Please pray for this.
~I smiled today because I got to spend the day with my husband!
~I smiled today because I got to bring a friend a box of goodies before her surgery.(There is nothing like giving back!)
~I smiled today because my husband cooked dinner!
~I smiled today because while I was at the cancer center getting blood work done, they informed me I was not pregnant! NO KIDDING! Apparently they do routine pregnancy tests! When they told me they were going to do one... my husband told me I better not be pregnant, or else! (he is fixed by the way) I informed him, that with this poop bag hanging off me, men do find me quite attractive! lol
~I smiled today because it was nice out and we got to run around the back yard...by the way...when did she grow up?
~I smiled today because it felt good!
Today was a good day, but tomorrow will be even better!
I woke up and got all ready for the big day. I took a nice long shower since I wouldn't be showering for the next 2 days...remember I would be carrying around the pump. I got dressed and headed to the grocery store with my husband to get stocked up for the week. He took the day off work to spend with me at the cancer center getting chemo.
On my good days I try to get things done around the house...I clean, I cook, I do some grocery shopping...all this to prepare for the bad days, hence the grocery shopping.
We came back from the store and put everything away, giving me just enough time to put on the lidocaine cream over my mediport site before I was off to the cancer center. They gave me the lidocaine cream at my last visit and told me it will help when they access it with that big 'ol needle. It worked I might add!!! I didn't feel a thing...not a thing!
applying lidocaine cream to my mediport site:
covering the cream with an opsite:
prep complete and all ready to go:
So off to the cancer center we went. As soon as I checked in they put me in the infusion room to get my mediport accessed.
accessing mediport:
After they accessed my mediport they drew some labs prior to my chemo treatment being started. This is where things take a turn. We spent the rest of our time in a waiting room with both my favorite nurse practitioner and my favorite oncologist in and out with lots of information for us.
waiting in the room (chewing on ice and drinking ice water I might add, since I thought that would be the end of my cold beverages for awhile):
Results of my CBC (blood work)
prior to chemo my WBC (white blood cells) were 6.69 today 2 normal is 4.8-10.8
prior to chemo my RBC (red blood cells) were 4.34 today 4 normal is 4.2-5.4
prior to chemo my HGB (hemoglobin) was 11.8 today it was 9 normal is 12.0-16.0
prior to chemo my neutrophils (important)was 3.59 today .54 normal is 1.4-6.5
What does this mean? Well... it means I couldn't do chemo. The chemo treatment #1 knocked my white blood cells and my neutrophils down too much (also the fact that I was fighting a cold/virus didn't help). They talked about giving me injections of neupogene (sp?) which would stimulate my bone marrow to produce white blood cells. This did not happen today, but could be a possibility in the future if my blood count doesn't go up enough. So...instead they delayed my chemo for 1 week. This is good because it gives me another week of feeling good and another week without the pump. This is bad because it prolongs my treatment.
I did learn today that I spoke too soon. We thought after our last meeting with Dr. R that I would only have to do 4 months of chemo, but now he is back to saying 6. The plan is to do the reversal surgery after 4 months and then have 2 more months of chemo to complete.
Dr. R informed us today that he did some genetic testing on me which he discovered I have a balanced translocation (basically some jacked up DNA). This was not news to us...we knew this from our genetic testing when we were trying to have a baby. What this means in the OB world is multiple miscarriages and eventually maybe having a healthy baby...what this means in the cancer world is that I have an increased chance for this cancer to reoccur...BUT DR.R said it also means that I will have a better response to the chemo. Apparently people with jacked up DNA respond well to chemo. Good news...and bad news. Because of the chance for recurrence, we are back to the 6 month treatment plan.
I also found out today that the last 3 nights that I have been waking up sweaty is also a side effect from the chemo. It has put me in a pre-menopausal state. You have got to be kidding me... I just love all these side effects.
Another thing...during my exam with the nurse practitioner I asked her about my bloody noses (which I have been having daily...and almost every time I blow my nose). I thought it was from my cold...it looks like the chemo has caused sores in my nose that have become infected with MRSA. I am now on antibiotics for this. I'm guessing working in a prison at this time is probably not the smartest thing for me...but ya gotta do what ya gotta do...and I love my job.
So...I spent the day basically getting my mediport accessed and deaccessed!
showing off my accessed mediport site:
I'm hoping that by next Tuesday my blood work is at least in the normal range so I can get back on track with the chemo. Please pray for this.
~I smiled today because I got to spend the day with my husband!
~I smiled today because I got to bring a friend a box of goodies before her surgery.(There is nothing like giving back!)
~I smiled today because my husband cooked dinner!
~I smiled today because while I was at the cancer center getting blood work done, they informed me I was not pregnant! NO KIDDING! Apparently they do routine pregnancy tests! When they told me they were going to do one... my husband told me I better not be pregnant, or else! (he is fixed by the way) I informed him, that with this poop bag hanging off me, men do find me quite attractive! lol
~I smiled today because it was nice out and we got to run around the back yard...by the way...when did she grow up?
~I smiled today because it felt good!
Today was a good day, but tomorrow will be even better!
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